APPENDIX A
BARANAGORE MATH
Shivaratri fast by Narendra, Rakhal, and other brothers
of the monastery
Baranagore Math. Narendra,
Rakhal, and other devotees have observed a fast today for Shivaratri. Two days
later they will celebrate the anniversary of Thakur’s birth.
Baranagore Math was founded only five months ago, not long
after Thakur Sri Ramakrishna had gone to his eternal abode. Narendra, Rakhal,
and other devotees are in a state of deep renunciation. One day, when Rakhal’s father came to
persuade him to return home, Rakhal said to him, “Why do you take the trouble
of coming here? I’m alright here. Just bless me that you may all forget me and
I may forget you.” They are all in a state of deep dispassion, ever engaged in
spiritual practices and singing the name of God. They have only one ideal, – to
realize God.
Narendra and the other
devotees sometimes practice japa and at other times study the scriptures.
Narendra says, “Work without expectation of any reward, which the Lord talks
about in the Gita, is what we are to do – worship, japa, meditation, and such.
We are not to do activities of any other kind.”
Narendra had gone to Calcutta in the morning, to appear in
court in connection with his family’s lawsuit. He had to testify in court
personally.
M. reaches the monastery at 9 o’clock. Seeing him enter the
“demons’ room,”[1]
Tarak begins to sing a song in praise of Shiva:
Tathaiya tathaiya
dances Shiva …
Rakhal also joins him and both begin to dance as they sing
the song that Narendra had recently composed:
Tathaiya tathaiya
dances Shiva to the sound of ba-ba-bam!
ba-ba-bam![2]
Dimi-dimi-dimi rings
His damaru,[3]
while around his neck sways a garland of skulls.
And through his matted locks the Ganges roars and his
scintillating trident flashes fire – dhak-dhak-dhak!
His hair, tied in a bun atop his head – how splendidly the moon
glows upon it!
All the brothers in the monastery are fasting. Narendra,
Rakhal, Niranjan, Sarat, Sashi, Kali, Baburam, Tarak, Harish, Gopal of Sinthi,
Sarada, and M. are present. Jogen and Latu are in Vrindavan these days; they
have not seen the monastery yet.
Today is
Monday, 21 February 1887. Sarat, Kali, Niranjan, and Sarada are planning to go
to Puri next Saturday to visit Lord Jagannath. Sashi is engaged in serving
Thakur day and night.
The worship over, Sarat begins to sing to the accompaniment
of a tanpura.
The Lord of Kailas, the King of Kings, Shiva Shankara dances – ba-ba-bam!
The beat of his damaru rumbles over Kailas’s peak, a garland of
serpents encircles his neck, and his bloodshot eyes shine brightly,
Even as the crescent moon, adorning his forehead, shines brightly
too.
Narendra has just returned from Calcutta and has not yet
taken his bath. Kali asks him, “What is the news about the lawsuit?”
Narendra (irritated):
“Why are you concerned about it?”
Narendra is smoking and talking to M. and others: “You cannot
succeed without renouncing ‘lust and greed.’ ‘Woman is the door to hell.’ All
men are under the control of women. Shiva and Krishna are different. Shiva made
Shakti his maidservant. Sri Krishna did live a householder’s life, but how
unattached he was! How quickly he gave up Vrindavan!”
Rakhal: “And also how he left Dwaraka.”
Narendra returns to the monastery after a dip in the Ganges,
holding his wet dhoti and a towel in his hand. Sarada, his whole body covered
in dust, comes and prostrates before
Narendra. He has also observed the fast of Shivaratri and is now going to the
Ganges to bathe. Narendra goes to the shrine room, salutes Thakur, and then
sits and meditates for quite a long time.
They are now talking about Bhavanath, who has married and
taken a job. Narendra, says, “Oh, he and people like him are but worldly
worms!”
It is midday. Arrangements for the worship of Shivaratri are
being made. Wood and vilwa leaves of the bel tree have been gathered for the
homa fire that will be performed after the puja.
Evening arrives. Having waved incense in Thakur’s shrine,
Sashi takes the incense stick to the other rooms as well and bows to the
picture of each god and goddess, chanting their names with utmost devotion. “I
bow to the guru; I bow to Kalika; I bow to Jagannath, Subhadra, and Balaram; I
bow to the six-armed one; I bow to Radha Vallabha; I bow to Nityananda, Advaita,
and the devotees; I bow to Gopala and I bow to Yashoda; I bow to Rama,
Lakshmana, and Vishwamitra.”
Arrangements have been made for the worship of Shiva under the bel tree of
the monastery. It is 9 o’clock [in the evening]. The first worship will be
performed now. The second worship will be at half past eleven. There will be
four worships in the four watches of the night. Narendra, Rakhal, Sarat, Kali,
Gopal from Sinthi, and the other brothers of the monastery are present under
the bel tree. Bhupati and M. are also there. A brother of the monastery is
performing the worship.
Kali reads from the Gita sections on the review of the
armies, Samkhya Yoga, and Karma Yoga. During the reading he discusses them with
Narendra.
Kali: “I myself am everything. I create, preserve, and
destroy.”
Narendra: “How can I create? There is a power which makes me
do it. All actions – even thinking – are caused by God.”
M. (to himself):
“Thakur said, ‘As long as you are aware that you are in meditation, you are in
the jurisdiction of Primal Power. You have to accept the fact of Primal
Power.’”
Kali thinks for some time silently. Then he says, “The action
you are talking about is all illusion. There is not even such a thing as
thinking. I laugh when I think of these things.”
Narendra: “The ‘I’ that is understood when we say ‘I am He’
(So ’ham) is not this ego. It is what remains after getting rid of the mind and
body and so on.”
After reading of the Gita, Kali chants, “Peace, peace, peace
(Santih, santih, santih).”
Narendra and the other devotees all stand up and
circumambulate the vilwa[4]
tree repeatedly as they dance and sing. Now and then they chant in chorus,
“Shiva Guru! Shiva Guru!” It is a deep dark night. The fourteenth day of the
dark fortnight – darkness all around. All living creatures are still.
“Shiva Guru, Shiva Guru,” chanted from the lips of these
young, ochre-clothed, unmarried devotees, is full of dispassion. The sound of
the great mantra merges with the Indivisible Existence-Knowledge-Bliss
Absolute, having risen like rain clouds rumbling through the infinite sky.
It is almost dawn when the worship ends. Narendra and the
devotees bathe in the Ganges during this sacred time of early dawn, the
Brahmamuhurta.
It is day break. After their dip in the Ganges, the devotees
go to the shrine of the monastery and salute Sri Ramakrishna. Then they
assemble in the “demons’ room” (the parlour). Narendra has put on a beautiful
new ochre cloth. The indescribably pure, celestial radiance of his face and
body, the result of spiritual austerities, blend with the color of his apparel.
His countenance is filled with vigour and also intense love for God. It
looks as if a drop from the ocean of Indivisible Sat-chit-ananda has assumed a
divine body in order to teach mankind knowledge and love for God – as a helper
in the work of a divine incarnation. None can turn his eyes away from Narendra,
who is now twenty-four years old – exactly Sri Chaitanya’s age when he
renounced the world.
The day before, Balaram had sent fruits and sweets from his
house for the devotees to break their fast the next day.
Standing in the room, Narendra, Rakhal, and a couple of other
devotees have some refreshments. After eating one or two, they say joyfully,
“Blessed Balaram! Blessed you are!” (They
all laugh.)
Now Narendra makes fun like a child. Putting a rasagolla in
his mouth, he stands absolutely still, his eyes unblinking. Seeing Narendra in
this state, a devotee pretends to hold him from behind lest he fall.
After some time, Narendra (with the rasagolla still in his
mouth) opens his eyes and says, “I … am … well …” (Everyone laughs loudly.)
M. and the others are served the offered sweets and hemp.
M. watches this mart of joy. The devotees shout together, “Victory to Guru Maharaj, Victory to Guru Maharaj!”
[1]. “The monastic brothers were nicknamed “demons.” The “demons’
room” was a room in the house that they used as a parlour.”
[2]. A reference
to the hollow, drumming sound that Shiva makes while striking his cheeks.
[3]. A small,
handheld drum, shaped like an hourglass.
[4].The vilwa
tree is also called the bel tree.