Appendix
Chapter One
Today Monday, 9 May, 1887. Jaishtha, the
second day of the dark fortnight. Narendra and other bhaktas are in the Math. Sarat, Baburam and Kali have gone to Sri Kshetra[1].
Niranjan has gone to see his mother. M.
has arrived.
After the midday meals the brothers of the
Math are taking some rest. The Elder
Gopal is copying a song in the music notebook.
It is afternoon.
Ravindra enters like a mad man barefoot, wearing a half dhoti with
black border. Like the mad man’s eyes
the pupils of his eyes are rolling. They all ask him, “What has happened?”
Ravindra says, “Wait a moment. I shall tell you everything a little later. I shall now not return home. I shall stay here itself with you. She is a
traitor. Mahashay, what do you say?
The habit of five years liquor, I have given it up for her sake eight
months have passed. (Not a drop.) What a big traitor she is!”
The brothers of the Math say, “Cool down
please. How did you come here?”
Ravindra — I have come here walking barefoot
from Calcutta.
The devotees ask, “Where is the other half
of your dhoti?” Ravindra says, “She tugged at it when I was coming here and
so it got torn.”
The devotees say, “Please come back after
a dip in the Ganga. Come and cool down. Then we’ll talk.”
Ravindra belongs to a respectable Kayastha
family of Calcutta. He is 20/22 years old.
He has had the darshan of Sri Ramakrishna in the Kali Temple in Dakshineswar
and was recipient of his special grace. Once
he spent three nights with Thakur. He is a man of very gentle and sweet temper. Thakur showed him great affection and said,
“But it will take you sometime. There
is still some desire for sensory enjoyments in you. Nothing is possible just now. When
dacoity takes place, the police cannot do anything at that very moment.
When it quietens down a little, the police comes in and arrests the
guilty.” Today Ravindra stands infatuated by a public woman.
But he has all other virtues feeling of kindness for the poor, meditation
on God, all this he has. Knowing the public woman a traitor he has arrived
in the Math in half dhoti. He has
made a resolve that he would not now return to family life.
Ravindra is going for a dip in the Ganga. He will go to Paramanik Ghat. A devotee is
accompanying him. He is very keen that the company of sadhus enlightens
the boy. After the bath he takes Ravindra to the cremation ground
near the ghat. He shows him a dead
body and says, “At times brothers of the Math come here alone at night and
meditate. It is good for us to meditate
here. One realizes very well that
this world is transitory.” Hearing this Ravindra sits down to meditate. However, he cannot meditate for long. His mind is restless.
Both of them return to the Math and offer
pranam to Thakur in his room. The devotee tells him that the brothers of the
Math meditate in this very room. Ravindra
also sits there to meditate for some time.
But he could not meditate for long.
Mani — Why? Is your mind very restless? Probably that is why you have got up. It appears
that you could not meditate properly.
Ravindra — Now I am not going to return to family
life. I have decided this even if the mind does not settle down.
Mani and Ravindra
are standing at a solitary spot in the Math.
Mani is narrating a story of Buddha Deva, “Mahatma Buddha first attained
spiritual awareness on hearing a song from celestial girls.” These days there
is a continuous discussion in the Math on ‘Buddha Charita’ and ‘Chaitanya
Charita[2]’.
Mani sings that very song
I want peace, but from where to get it? Where
do I come from, where I roam and where I go? Again and again I come back.
How much I cry, how much I laugh! I always wonder where should I go?
At night Narendra, Tarak and Harish return
from Calcutta. On arriving they say,
“O, what a feast we had!” They were invited for food at a devotee’s house
in Calcutta.
Narendra, the brothers of the Math, M., Ravindra
and some others they too are seated in the room of the demons. On returning
to the Math Narendra hears all (about Ravindra).
People in sorrow and Narendra’s instruction
Narendra sings.
He is as if instructing Ravindra through this song
I say, give up attachment. Don’t listen to the
wrong advice. You will be freed from your pain when you have known Him.
Narendra sings again as if to advise Ravindra
—
O Avadhoot[3]!
Drink the rasa (bliss) of Hari from the cup of love and get intoxicated.
One spends one’s childhood in play, when one is
adult one is infatuated with woman.
When one is old, one falls a prey to phlegm and
flatulence, and keeps lying in bed from morning till evening.
There is musk in the lotus of the navel. How can
the animal realize and get over the illusion?
Without Sadguru one makes a vain search like the
stag roaming about in the wood.
After sometime the brothers of the Math are
seated in the room of Kali Tapasvi. Two
new books by Girish ‘Buddha Charita’ and ‘Chaitanya Charita’, have just come
in the market. Narendra, Shashi, Rakhal,
Prasanna, M. and some others are there. Ever
since Shashi has come to this new Math (Barahnagar Math), he has been worshiping
Thakur night and day with heart and soul. All are wonderstruck on seeing his worship.
The way he served Thakur night and day during his illness, today too he is
worshiping him in the same manner single-mindedly with deep devotion.
One brother of the Math reads from ‘Buddha
Charita’ and ‘Chaitanya Charita’. He reads ‘Chaitanya Charita’ in a slight
lighter mood. Narendra snatches the
book. Says he, “This way you spoil every good thing.”
Now Narendra himself reads about Chaitanya
Deva’s dispensing love all around.
A Brother of the
Math — I say, nobody can give love to others.
Narendra — But Paramahansa Mahashay gave love
to me.
Brother of the Math — Well, have you got it?
Narendra — What will you understand? You belong to the servant (God’s servant) class. Everybody will serve and stroke my feet.
Even Sarat, Mitir and Deso will do so. (All laugh.) You think as if
you have understood everything. (Laughter.) Go and prepare a smoke for me.
(All laugh.)
Brother of the Math — No… I will… not…
M. (to himself)
— Thakur Sri Ramakrishna has infused mettle in many of the brothers
of the Math, not only in Narendra. Without
such mettle is it possible for one to renounce ‘woman and gold’?
Sadhana of the brothers of the Math
The next day, Tuesday, 10 May. It is the
weekday of Mahamaya. Narendra and other brothers are offering special puja
to the Mother of the Universe. A triangular yantra
(figure) has been made in front of the Math of Thakur’s shrine. They will
perform a yajna followed by animal sacrifice. According to the Tantra both
yajna and sacrifice have to be performed.
Narendra reads from the Gita.
Mani goes for a dip in the Ganga. Ravindra is pacing the roof all alone. He hears Narendra chanting
musically
Om, I am not the mind, the intellect, the ego,
or the consciousness,
Nor I am the ear, the tongue, the nostrils, nor
the eyes.
I am not the sky, nor land, nor light, nor air.
I am pure Knowledge and Bliss, the image of Shiva,
the all-good.
I am neither prana, nor pancha
vayu (the five vital airs), nor the seven metals, nor pancha kosha[4]
(the five sheaths).
Nor speech, nor hands, nor feet, nor genital,
nor anus.
I am pure Knowledge and Bliss, the image of Shiva,
the all-good.
I have neither attachment, nor enmity. Neither
have I greed nor infatuation.
I have neither vanity nor spite. I am not dharma (righteous works), artha
(wealth), kama (desires) and
moksha (salvation).
I am pure Knowledge and Bliss, the image of Shiva,
the all-good.
Neither am I virtue, nor vice, nor happiness,
nor sorrow. I am not mantra, nor place of pilgrimage, nor Veda, nor yajna.
I am not the food, nor an edible article, nor
the eater. I am pure Knowledge and Bliss, the image of Shiva, the all-good.
Ravindra returns after his bath from the
Ganga. His dhoti is wet.
Narendra (secretly to Mani) — He (Ravindra) has
just taken his bath. Right time to
initiate him into sannyasa. (Mani and Narendra laugh.)
Prasanna asks Ravindra to change his wet
dhoti and gives him an ochre coloured dhoti.
Narendra (to Mani) — Now he will have to wear
the clothes of a tyagi (renouncee).
Mani — Which renunciation?
Narendra — Renunciation of ‘woman and gold’.
Ravindra puts on the ochre cloth and goes
into the room of Kali Tapasvi and sits there alone.
It seems he is going to practise some meditation.
Chapter Two
Sri Ramakrishna with Ashwini Kumar and other bhaktas
Keshab Sen (1881), Devendra Nath Thakur, Achalananda,
Shivanath, Hriday, Narendra and Girish
Brother M., the beloved of my soul, I have
finished today the fourth part of Sri Sri Ramakrishna Kathamrita sent by you,
on the day of Kojagar Purnima, the second day of the lunar month. Blessed
you are. You have showered so much nectar in the whole country.
Well, many days ago you wanted to know what
conversations I had with Thakur. I am making some effort to tell you about
it. But I am not lucky as M. that I should be able to write down the day,
the date, the position of planets of seeing his holy feet and the account
of all the words that issued forth out of his holy lips. I write what I remember.
It is possible that I mistake the date of conversation with another. Besides,
I do not remember many other facts.
I remember that I met Thakur for the first
time during the winter vacation of 1881. Keshab Babu was expected on that
day. I went to Dakshineswar by boat. On reaching the ghat I asked somebody
where the Paramahansa was. Pointing towards a person seated in the northern
verandah and resting against a bolster, he said, “He is the Paramahansa.”
Seeing Thakur clad in a black-bordered dhoti and resting against a bolster,
I said to myself, “What kind of a paramahansa he is!” But then I saw that
he was half laid resting against the big pillow with his legs raised and hands
around them. I said to myself, “He doesn’t know at all how to rest against
a pillow like babus, so it seems that he must be a paramahansa.” I saw a gentleman
sitting to his right very near the pillow. I was told that the gentleman was
Rajendra Mitra who later became the assistant secretary to the Bengal Government.
There were many others sitting on the right side. After a short while he said
to Rajendra Babu, “Just see whether Keshab is coming or not?” Only a short
while ago someone had come to tell him that Keshab was not there. Hearing some sound he again said, “Just see, find it out again.” This time too a person came and said, “No.”
The Paramahansa at once smiled and said, “A leaf falls on another leaf and
Radha says, ‘It seems that he has arrived, the master of my soul.’ Yes, you
see Keshab has been doing so for a long time. He is coming, coming. No, he
hasn’t come.” After some time the evening approaches. It is now that Keshab
arrives along with his group. On reaching there Keshab offered his pranam
to Thakur by lying prostrate on the ground.
Thakur also did exactly the same and raised his head after a while. He was in samadhi then. Said he, “You have brought here, as it were,
all the residents of Calcutta as if I am going to deliver a lecture. I shall not be able to do that. You may do so if you like. I shall not be able to do all that.”
With some divine smile says he in that very
state, “I shall eat, I shall drink, I shall stay in your house. I shall eat,
sleep and defecate in your house. I shall not be able to do all that.” Keshab
Sen keeps looking at him and is getting surcharged with bhava. Says he again
and again in bhava, “Aha, Aha.”
Seeing this state of Thakur I thought, “Is
he pretending? Nowhere else have I seen so.”
And then ‘what faith I have,’ you know well.
After the samadhi was over he said to Keshab
Babu, “Keshab, one day I went there to your house.
I heard you saying: Having dived into the river of bhakti I will reach
the sea of Sachchidananda. I then looked up (where Keshab Babu’s wife and
other ladies were sitting) and said to myself: ‘Then what would happen to
them?’ You people are householders. How
will you fall so suddenly into the sea of Sachchidananda?
Like the mongoose you have now a brick tied to your back. Hearing just
a little noise it climbs up the niche, but how can it stay there? The brick
pulls and it falls down in no time. You people can also practise a little
meditation and so on but the brick of wife and son would pull you down to
the earth again. You people will dive into the river of bhakti
for a while but will soon come out. It will go on like this. How can you get drowned permanently?’’
Keshab Babu says: Is it not possible in the
household? What about Maharshi Devendra Nath Tagore?
The Paramahansa Deva utters ‘Devendra Nath
Thakur, Davendra, Davendra’ twice or thrice, offers him pranam and says, “You
know this well that there was a person who used to celebrate the festival
of Durga and from morning till evening goats were slaughtered there as sacrifice
to the goddess. Many years later there was no festivity of sacrifice. Somebody asked, ‘Mahashay, how is it that there is no longer any
hustle and bustle of sacrifice in your house?’ He replied, ‘I have lost my
teeth, you see.’ Now Devendra also
practises meditation and perception. Naturally he would do it now. But otherwise
he is a good man.”
“Look here, so long as man is under maya (delusion), he is like a raw green coconut. So long as the coconut
is green, a piece of its shell also comes out along with its thick juice.
And when delusion is gone, one becomes the hard shell.
Then the kernel and the shell can easily be separated the kernel
gives the sound of a dry ball inside. The
soul and the body become separate in that state. There is no feeling of oneness
with the body.
“It is the ‘I’ which is the cause of big troubles. Will this rascal ‘I’ not go? In a dilapidated house a peepal plant sprouts.
Even if you pull it out and throw it away, the next day you see another
branch shooting up. It is the same with this ‘I’. Wash the saucer of onion any number of times,
can you free it from its smell?”
While talking thus, he said to Keshab Babu,
“Yes Keshab, what do your Calcutta babus say: ‘There is no God!’ A babu is climbing up the stairs. He takes a step and as he takes another, he suddenly exclaims: ‘Ooh!
What is this?’ And saying so he falls unconscious. Please call the doctor,
call him at once. And before the doctor
comes, the gentleman expires. Yet
they say, ‘There is no God.’ “
After an hour or an hour and a half, starts
the community singing of hymns. What I saw then I feel I shall never forget
even after many lives. Everybody begins to dance, I saw even Keshab dancing
Thakur was in the middle and all others were dancing around him. While dancing
Thakur stops all of a sudden he has gone into samadhi. He remains in this
state for quite some time. The more I saw him and the more I heard him, I
realized he is truly a paramahansa.
And one day, perhaps in 1883, I took a number
of young men of Rampur to see him. Seeing them Thakur said “What has brought
them here?”
I — To see you.
Thakur — What will they see of me? Let them see
the buildings etc.
I — They have not come to see the buildings. They have indeed come to see you.
Thakur — So, they are flints there is fire
within. You may keep the flint in water for a thousand
years. It will still generate fire no sooner it is rubbed. These young men
are possibly of the same species. As for me, you may rub hard no fire comes
out.
We laughed on hearing these last words. As
for other talks on that day I don’t remember exactly. But there was some talk
on ‘the smell of I-ness does not disappear’ and renunciation of ‘woman and
gold’.
Yet another day I visited him, offered him
pranam and sat down. He said, “Can you bring me that something which fizzes
when you open its cork, something that is somewhat sour, somewhat sweet?”
I said, “Lemonade?”
Thakur said, “Do bring one.” I remember I
did bring one.
As far as I recall we were alone there. I
asked him many questions: “Do you believe in the distinction of caste?”
Thakur — How is that?
I took charchari (a mixture
of many cooked vegetables) at Keshab Sen’s house.
But listen what happened one day. Somebody with a long beard brought
me ice. I didn’t like to eat it at
all. But later when some other person
brought ice from him only, I ate it with gusto. From this you can make out that distinction of caste falls off by
itself, like leaves fall from the coconut tree, or palm tree when it becomes
big. Caste distinction also falls
like this. Don’t pull it out; let
it fall out by itself.
I asked — What kind of person is Keshab Babu?
Thakur — I say brother, he is a divine personality.
I — And Trailokya Babu?
Thakur — He is a good man, sings very well.
I — Shiva Babu?
Thakur — A good man.
But he argues.
I — What is the difference between a Hindu and
a Brahmo?
He said — What difference? Here roshan chowki (shahnai) is played upon. A person keeps on playing
a particular note on it. And another
person plays various moods of songs on it like ‘My Radha is sulking.’ The
Brahmos keep on playing just one note of the Formless. And Hindus produce
various kinds of moods.
“Water and ice one is without form, the other
with form. That which is water becomes ice in cold. With the heat of jnana the ice again melts
into water. In the cold of bhakti
water becomes ice.
“He is one and the same Being. Different people
give Him different Names. It is like
this there are four bathing points on four sides of a pond. Some persons
are taking water from one point. On
asking them they may say that they are taking ‘jal’.
Those taking water at the other point may say that they are taking ‘pani’.
At the third point they say it is ‘water’ and at the fourth they call
it ‘aqua’. But it is the same water
everywhere.”
When I told him that I had met Achalananda
Tirtha Avadhoot in Barishal, he said, “The same Ramakumar of Kotaranga?”
I said — Yes, sir.
Thakur — Well, what do you think of him?
I — A very nice man.
Thakur — Well, is he nicer or I?
I — How can you be compared with him? He is a pundit, a learned man.
But are you a pundit, a jnani?
Hearing this he was taken aback a little
and kept quiet. After a minute or so, I said, “He may be a pundit but you
are a pleasant person, full of joy. There
is a lot of pleasure in you.”
At this he smiled and said, “Well said. You
have said it rightly.”
He asked me, “Have you seen my Panchavati?”
I answered, “Yes, sir.”
He also told me a little about what all he
would do there. He told me of various
sadhanas (spiritual disciplines) and also
about the Nangta (the Naked one; Tota Puri). I asked him, “How to attain God?”
Answer — I say brother, He is pulling us the
way magnet pulls iron. If there is
mud over the iron, it is not pulled. When
this mud is washed away by weeping (for Him), one immediately sticks to Him.”
I was recording Thakur’s sayings as I listened
to him. He said, “Look here, it will not do just shouting, ‘Hemp, hemp.’ Bring
hemp, grind it and then drink it.”… Then he said to me, “You people are to
live in household. So live a little inebriated. Let this inebriation be there
even when you are engaged in work. You people, however, will not be able to
be like Sukadeva that you can lie naked after intoxication.”
“While living in the world you should write out
a general power of attorney, give your power to the pleader. He will do whatever
is possible. As for you, you will live like a maidservant of a rich household. How much she loves the children of her master!
She gives them bath, cleanses them and feeds them as if they are her own.
But in her mind she knows that they are not hers.
As soon as her services are terminated, all contact is lost.
“As you smear your hands with oil before cutting
the jack fruit. Similarly, smear yourself with that oil which would not let
you entangle in the world, will not attach you to it.”
Till now we were talking seated on the floor. Now he went up his cot and lay there on his
back. He said to me, “Fan me.”
I began to fan him. He kept quiet. After
sometime he said, “It is very hot brother, moisten the fan with water.” I
said, “And you are fond of good living too, I see.” He smiled and said, “Why
not? Why not there be good living?” I said, “Let it be so, more of it and
still more.” The pleasure I had that day with his proximity cannot be expressed.
The last time, the day you have talked of
in the third volume (in section 16), I went to him with the headmaster of
my school. It was just after he had passed his B. A. It was on this day that
he met you.
As soon as he saw him, he said, “Where have
you found him? He is a very fine person.”
“I say, brother, you are an advocate. Oh! you
are so intelligent! Can you give me some of your intelligence? Your father
came here the other day. He was here
for three days.”
I asked — How did you find him?
He said — He is a good man but at times he talks
nonsense.
I said — Knock off his nonsense when he meets
you next time.
He smiled a little. I said, “Tell me something
special.”
He said — Do you know Hriday (Hriday
Mukhopadhyay)?
I said — Your nephew? I do not know him.
Thakur — Hriday used to say, ‘Uncle, why don’t
you speak out all that you have to say all at once?
Why do you repeat the same thing again and again?’ I said, ‘What does
it matter to you, O rascal? These
are my words. I may repeat them a million times. What is it to you?’
I smiled and said — Quite right, quite right.
After sometime he sat down and while repeating,
‘Om, Om’ he began to hymn a song.
Dive, dive O my mind, dive deep into the sea of
His beauty.
Singing a couplet or two, and repeating,
‘Dive, dive,’ he himself dived deep.
The samadhi over, he began to pace up and
down. He was wearing a dhoti. Pulling it up with both hands, he brought it
right up to his waste. An end of it trailed on the ground while the other
dangled a little. My companions and I began to make signs and whisper to each
other, “He was wearing the dhoti nicely!” But after a while, saying, “Away,
away you rag of a dhoti,” he threw it away and began pacing up and down naked.
Bringing an umbrella and a walking stick from the northern side he asked us,
“Are these yours this umbrella and the walking stick?” I replied, “No, Sir.”
He immediately said, “I already knew that these are not yours. Just by looking
at umbrella and walking stick I can know a man. Surely these belong to that
fellow who had swallowed so much like a demon.’’
After a while he sat to the north of his
cot facing west (just as naked) as he was.
As he sat, he asked me, “I say, do you consider me uncivilized?”
I said — No, you are very civilized. But why are you asking this?
Thakur — You see, Shivanath and others like him
take me as uncivilized. When they come, I have to somehow wrap myself in this
dhoti. Do you know Girish Ghosh?
I — Which Girish Ghosh?
The one who runs a theatre?
Thakur — Yes.
I — I have never seen him but I know him by name.
Thakur — He is a good
man.
I — I hear he takes
liqour. Doesn’t he?
Thakur — Maybe he drinks,
but how long will he drink?
He says — Do you know
Narendra?
I — No, sir.
Thakur — I would like
you to meet him. He has passed his B.A. and he does not marry.
I — As you please,
I shall meet him.
Thakur — There is kirtan (community singing of devotional songs) in Ram Dutta’s house
today. You will find him there. Go there in the evening.
I — As you please.
Thakur — Will you go? You must definitely go.
I — Shall I disobey
your order? I shall certainly go.
He showed me a
number of pictures in the room. Then
he asked me, “Is a picture of the Buddha Deva available?”
I — I hear, it is available.
Thakur — Bring me one
picture of his.
I — As you say, I shall bring it next time when
I come.
I could never meet him again. I was not lucky
enough to sit again at his holy feet.
I went to Rama Babu’s house in the evening
that day. I saw Narendra. Thakur was sitting and resting against a bolster
in a room with Narendra to his right. I was in front. He asked Narendra to
talk to me.
Narendra said — I have bad headache today. I don’t feel like talking.
I said — Never mind, we will talk some other
day.
This talk we had in Almora in the month of
May or June 1897.
Thakur wish had to be fulfilled though it
took twelve years. Aha! What happy time I passed for some days in Almora with
the same Swami Vivekananda. At times it was in his house, at other times in
mine. And one day I was with him alone on the top of a hill. After this meeting
I did not meet him. It was to fulfill Thakur’s will that I was able to meet
him at that time.
With Thakur, too, I met only for four or
five days. But even during that short time, I felt as if Thakur and I had
been classmates. How frankly we talked! The moment I left him, I said to myself,
“O my God, what a man I have visited.” Whatever I saw, whatever I got from
him during these few days have sweetened my life. With enormous effort I have
preserved that soft smile, that showering of divine words in a box. Brother,
it is the inexhaustible wealth of the wealthless one. The drops of the nectar
falling from those smiling lips are filling even America with nectar. Thinking
thus I feel overwhelmed again and again. If it is so with me, how much lucky
you are!