Cossipore Garden. Here, Bhagavan Sri Ramakrishna was in sick bed for ten months. Here itself, close to his bed was established Sri Ramakrishna’s devotees’ revolutionary sangha (organisation). And here, it was that he merged himself in mahasamadhi, having given up his body made up of five elements.

Four in the afternoon. M., the writer of the Kathamrita and Sri Ramakrishna’s close disciple is standing in south-western corner of the ground floor of Sri Ramakrishna’s house. With him is Doctor Kartik Bakshi, Vinay and Jagabandhu. This is a two storey house. On the upper storey, against the western wall of the hall was Sri Ramakrishna’s sick bed on the floor, with the pillow to the south.

Five minutes ago, M. came out of the car at the gate. Without taking the path, he crosses the front open space and stands here. He wishes that he may circumambulate round this holy garden-house again today and have darshan of and offer pranams to the holy shrine on the second level. M. has always been saying that in future this holy shrine will be the meeting-temple of the peace and joy of different religious denominations, different communities and different countries of the world. Just as Ayodhya and Dwarika, Jerusalem and Kushinara are the holy centres of pilgrimage for the devotees, so will this Cossipore Garden will be. Even now, the devotees from Europe, America and other places come for the darshan of this holy spot.

With the desire for the darshan of this holy place of this era’s revolution, M. had started from the Morton School with some devotees in the Doctor’s car at 3 p.m. His heart is looking forward so earnestly to this beloved darshan.

These days, an Armenian Christian gentleman is living in this Garden house. He comes downstairs and talks alone to Doctor Bakshi, while M. proceeds along with his devotees. The Doctor says to M. in Bengali that his padre had objected to keeping the picture (of Sri Ramakrishna) there. Many days ago, Doctor Bakshi had presented a big picture of Sri Ramakrishna to him. It was hung on the southern wall to the west of the hall just above the head-rest of Thakur near the south-western corner above the closed door.

Thinking that it was inconvenient for the gentleman, M. takes the initiative. Giving a copy of Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, Part I to the foreigner as a present, he says, ‘‘May we have a look around?’’ The foreigner says, ‘‘Oh, yes.’’

M. goes round the residential shrine of Thakur. The shrine is to the right hand. M. is leading. Behind him are the foreigner and the devotees. They are going towards the north. Pointing to the hall on the ground floor, he says, ‘‘Here, the devotees would gather together.’’ Pointing to the kitchen to the north he says, ‘‘Here, our Holy Mother would prepare food and diet for the Master.’’

M. goes towards the east. To the right hand is temple room. Pointing to room in the north-eastern corner on the ground floor, he says, ‘‘In this chamber, the Holy Mother lived.’’

M. moves towards the east. In front of him are very small rooms. Pointing to a room to the north-east he says, "This was the stable. Here, the disciples practised austerities.’’ Pointing to the room to the east, he says, "Here, one day the would-be Swamis, forgetting the external world, danced in joy divine. And on their lips was a song on Shiva, the symbol of complete renunciation, the ideal of the sannyasis. They were then filled with the fire of the renunciation of the worldly enjoyments.

"The song described Shiva dancing in the joy of His own Self, living in the cremation grounds signifying full and perfect renunciation, although He was the Lord of the Universe. It was just then composed by the would-be Swami Vivekananda, their leader. They were then only with the kaupinam (loin-cloth) on."

M. hymns the following song:

M. now enters this small room from the south eastern corner. He proceeds a little towards the south and reaches the south of the eastern pond. Says he, ‘‘Here we used to sit on hot days.’’

M. comes towards the main road of the garden from the ghat and stands facing east. Showing south-eastern corner of the pond he says, ‘‘There was a bush here.’’ Now he reaches the main road. Here, thanking the resident foreigners of the garden house, he leaves.

M. goes towards the gate on the road with the bhaktas. There is a tree at the turning of the road, to south east. This tree is a remnant of old memories. The air of the body of Sri Ramakrishna had touched it. It is perhaps because of it that M. touches it reverently and embraces it full of love. This tree has had the darshan of Sri Ramakrishna, so, it is a very dear friend of M.

M. says, ‘‘Every particle of dust of Cossipore and Dakshineswar are holy. The trees are hidden gods and rishis. They are standing there keeping their real self hidden to enjoy the lila of the avatara.’’

M. comes to the turning of the road and stands there. His mood has changed. The mind is peeping inside and the eyes are brimming with tears. After a few moments he says, "How much has happened at this turning! One day Thakur was perhaps somewhat well. He came down on foot and reached this spot. It was afternoon, the first of January. It was a holiday. So, many a bhakta ­ Girish and others, had come from Calcutta. They all were walking with Thakur. When Thakur stopped moving, they started offering him pranam one by one while lying on the ground and touching his lotus feet. Thakur said, ‘Be illumined.’ The moment the bhaktas prostrate themselves to offer pranam and touch his lotus feet, the lotus of their hearts begin to develop, and they were overwhelmed with joy at His direct darshan thereby. Some of them even called others. They also gained the same state." M.’s. mind is still fixed and his eyes tied inwardly.

Today again, M. brings that holy dust to touch his forehead like one completely overwhelmed, having touched the holy spot with both of his hands the spot where Thakur stood. One by one, the devotees also prostrate themselves on that spot sanctified by the divine touch of Lord’s feet. And they put some of the holy dust on their head.

M. stands silent for sometime. Then he proceeds towards the gate and reaches the car. With a faint smile he says, "So I see that they have destroyed the ‘holy contact.’ They were afraid, lest they should go astray (away from their own religion). This is also the reason for such a cold reception. Had it not been so and if his mood was not so different, he would have invited us to go upstairs like the other day when we thanked him after the circumambulation."

The white man is Doctor Bakshi’s patient. He is under his treatment. Some days ago, the Doctor said to him, showing him the south-western corner of the hall on the upper story, ‘‘It was here at this place that Sri Ramakrishna passed away into his last in mahasamadhi. He (Thakur) said that he himself was Christ.’’

The foreigner is a good man of simple faith. One day, the Doctor gave him a big picture of Thakur. The foreigner had very carefully hung that picture on the southern wall of the south-eastern corner of the hall.

The foreigner is a Christian. His priest, when he came and saw the picture hanging there, objected to it. And when he heard the white man say that Christ and Ramakrishna were one and the same, he was very angry and ordered him to remove the picture immediately. The orthodox Christians believe that Christ was the only begotten son of the Father ­ that nobody else could be an avatara, nor there would be one in future.

That is why there was such a cold reception. The white man was afraid lest he should have to fall a prey to social orthodoxy later on. So, he requested the Doctor to take away the picture.

At this holy spot, where a number of bhaktas had Self-realisation together, M. stood with a heart full of grief. He says to the Doctor with a lacerated heart, "Why come as preachers to such places? One should rather come as learners.

"And how can one believe just by being asked to do so? When does one began to believe? When one receives love, one gains faith. How can one have faith without love?

"Thakur used to talk to the assembly only after giving his love in so many ways. Is it possible to believe just by being told to do so?

"It appears that it is perhaps my last darshan, so it appears from my emotion. So, I cannot lift my foot."

M. again goes to that great spot of pilgrimage made holy by the touch of Sri Ramakrishna, the wish yielding tree. A cloud of the pain of dejection has covered the face of M., who is naturally otherwise a profound, happy and peaceful soul. The bhaktas say to themselves that even the close disciple of the avatara is suffering from the pangs of separation. So long as one is still in a body, one can never rid oneself of it.

The seventy year old M. lies down on that wish yielding tree spot offering his pranam again and again. Overwhelmed with grief, he stands there for ten minutes without saying a word. M.’s state is just like that of a person who has not the heart to part from his dear one. M. is today inflicted with the pain of separation as that of a dear one.

At last, M. stands near the car, having walked to it in deep patient steps. But his eyes are still fixed to the garden. Perhaps he is having the darshan of the wishing yielding Sri Ramakrishna as of a living person with his mind’s eye.

Coming near the gate says M. with a lacerated heart, ‘‘The last and lingering look! Who knows whether it will be possible again?’’

M. takes his seat in the car. He again says in a troubled voice, ‘‘It appears that holy contact has been destroyed.’’

Antevasi says, ‘‘People don’t attain it even after having been associated with sadhus for long. How can he have it just by being told once?’’

M. says, ‘‘Yes, even the avatara cannot do it. How then is it possible by this...?’’