EVERYBODY IS SUFFERING FROM DELIRIUM
1.
Morton School, the parlour of the second level. M. is seated on a bench. It is seven in the morning. Jagabandhu and the Younger Jiten are reading the proofs of the Kathamrita. A devotee doctor has come from Dhaka. M. enquires about his family.
It is 8 o’clock now. M. is talking to Antevasi standing near the western window of the northern verandah. Antevasi is keeping a diary of M.’s conversations.
Antevasi – I have palpitation of heart — even a little strain brings this palpitation. What can it be?
M. (in a sympathetic tone) – Why shouldn’t it happen! What a strain you have! Is it a small work that you are doing? I know, I also had the same. My heart became such. All this happened when I was keeping all this (the diary of the Kathamrita).
"You see, the mind always remains fixed on one thing alone. Is meditation only of one variety? This too is meditation."
"There is a cure for it — just sleep and keep away from it (the writing of the diary). And take as much of milk as you can digest. Thakur told me this.
"I kept myself away from it for many days. So, the speed of my pulse was then irregular, intermittent. The doctors could not diagnose.
"But whenever the strain increased, it also went up. It would come down when I was resting. That’s why, I can run about even today."
M. climbs up to the fourth level at 9 o’clock.
It is 2 p.m. now. M. is seated in his room on his bedspread facing west on the fourth level. A devotee has arrived from Behala. His name is Rajen Roy. He is accompanied by his son. He should he thirty or thirty two. Rajen Babu has had Thakur’s darshan. Now he is sixty seven years old. He has written Sri Ramakrishna Bhagavata. He reads out a few excerpts of it to M. Hearing a few, M. gives his opinion. He says, "Somebody has written a history lbook. I have suggested him to quote someone’s authority. Authority adds to the value of the work."
It is five in the evening. The Saturday devotees have been awaiting M. for long. Some of them who had to take a train have even left. M. comes and takes his seat on a bench facing west. The devotees are sitting in front of M. and to his left on benches — Bholanath Mukherji, the Younger Nalini, Lakshman and others. The Younger Nalini has brought some murmure (roasted rice) and fried gram. These are offered to Thakur and then taken as prasad by all. M. puts a grain or two of murmure in his mouth. He has no teeth.
M. had given a prescription to Antevasi to sleep well. He is sleeping in his cabin. Hearing the conversation of the devotees, he comes out on the roof. M. now instructs him.
M. – Do you hear Jagabandhu Babu, do you know why there is palpitation of your heart? It is like an elephant entering a thatched hut. When an elephant enters a thatched hut it causes a commotion.
"What I talk is not my own. All this is his. Thakur himself sits in my throat and talks. Now how they are pressing upon your mind. They have formed a heap like a hill or like an island in the sea. Numberless insects fall into the sea and form a coral island.
"You hear so much of conversations and try to remember all — this after that and then that after it. Is it a small strain! On the top of it keeping awake at nights to write! Writing daily, continuously for months, year after year. You sleep at eleven and then rise at three in the morning for meditation upon Him. (He counts) Just four hours. This is the time for sleeping that is spent in writing. How much pressure you have on your mind!. And from the mind on to the brain, and from there to the nerves.
"Aren’t you trying a little to record his words? Even to write one or two of his sayings is so difficult — all his words are so powerful, you see! Besides, you try to retain so many of these in your mind. They being like a mound press upon the mind. The pressure is transferred to your nerves. That’s why, the nerves shake. That’s why the heart palpitates.
"The same thing happened to me. Was it during Thakur’s lifetime or later on? It was during his lifetime. One day I sat unconscious on the path in Badur Bagan — in front of Vidyasagar Mahashay’s house. Thereafter, a person sent me home by a coach. Yes, when Thakur heard about it he said, ‘Sleep and take milk. And stop writing for some days.’ What I have told you is Thakur’s prescription.
"When Thakur went to see Keshab Sen, he said, ‘An Elephant has entered your thatched cottage.’ You are also in the same state. Keshab Babu was then very ill."
Lalit Roy of Bhattapara enters. After offering his pranam he takes his seat. Now the conversation starts.
Lalit – At some place there is flood and at others scarcity of water.
M. – It is all due to the negligence of the workers. The Veda says, the rishis saw that the Lord had appointed Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh for creation, preservation and dissolution respectively. But they have so many others working under them. For example, there is the Viceroy. He has so many assistants. Does every work get done properly? Aren’t there are so many mistakes? Similarly, all this happens — too much of rain and too little of rain. It is because of the fault of the subordinates.
It is drizzling. M. takes everybody to the staircase room and sits there. He says to the Doctor and Vinay, "You may now rise. If it begins to rain heavily the car will not move, since there will be standing water on the road. It is better if you leave now." The Doctor and Vinay depart.
M. now enters his room. As he goes he gives the Bhagavata to the Younger Nalini and says, "One of you may read and the others listen to it."
The shades of the evening are approaching. Jagabandhu goes out to buy some milk. Having offered his pranam to the Mother in the Kali Temple of Thanthania, he goes to the Sheetla cloth house. He returns from there buying some milk on the way. The sky is clear now. It has stopped raining.
Eight in the evening. M. comes to the roof and takes his seat on a chair towards the south. He faces west. To M.’s right is seated the Elder Jiten on a bench. Shanti, Balai, Jagabandhu and some others have also arrived. They are all sitting in front of M. on benches to his left and right. M. is conversing. On his return Jagabandhu hears as follows.
M. (to the bhaktas) – He who knows that he is the son of such a big man, will he be attracted by anything ordinary? How can he? For he sees that his father’s riches are matchless. The whole universe indeed belongs to his father and then there is such abundance of Sachchidananda. So, he is not satisfied with the lower things. Millions and millions of moons and suns are evening lamps in his father’s house. He sees this and says, ‘How many jewels there are in the dancing hall of my Chintamani (God).’ Therefore, what other people are mad after is so mean for him. He only wants jnana and bhakti — he wishes to taste the nectar of Sachchidananda. Why should he accept anything else? For nothing will last. That which will last is only He, Sachchidananda.
2.
A cart is going through the Amherst Street. It is making such a dreadful noise. The Elder Jiten draws M.’s attention towards it. The devotees comment on the noise in different ways. Turning the current of this topic, M. converses.
M. (to the bhaktas) – Sound? It is just this. How for can it go? How far it is in the atmosphere, I know it. There is sound only within 45 miles (in the atmosphere).
"Thakur told us that there is another kind of sound which is only heard by the yogis. Its medium is neither air nor ether. It is not in this atmosphere but in chidakasha (the regions of consciousness). The yogis have the yogic ears and yogic eyes. With their keep, the yogis can hear that sound in deep night. Thakur used to run about on the embankment of the Ganga at two or three in the morning like a mad man, hearing that sound. It is called the anahat sound. It is not produced by striking one thing on the other. That is why it is called anahat (without striking). The ordinary sound is produced by striking on the atmosphere. The other sound is produced by itself."
What is M. thinking for a short while? He resumes his talk.
M. (to the Elder Jiten) – I went to the GodiaGaudia Math yesterday. It was very inspiring. It was as if I had been to Chaitanya Deva’s room. Many bhaktas were sitting there with shaven head and the Harinam ‘bag’ (containing the rosary) in the hand. They were listening to the Bhagavata. And then, I had the darshan of Gauranga. Chaitanya Deva used to live in Puri in the company of bhaktas in the same way.
"Thakur used to tellsay, ‘The cow that is very selective in eating yields scanty milky. And the cow that eats anything that it gets gives buckets full of milk.’ If one were to say that the milk of the latter smells a little, he also told its remedy. Boil it a little, there will be no smell then. It means that one should accept only after examining it by his knowledge. One must test it on a test-stone."
The Elder Jiten (speaking along with M.) – One must test it on a test-stone. (M. laughs).
Enter Kiran and Kanai. They are Vinay’s younger brothers. Both of them salute M. by lying on the ground. Kiran is holding a book of history of Bengal by Rakhal Bannerji.
M. (to Kiran) – Let me see what it is, which is this book.
M. reads the first page taking the book in his hands. He then turns its pages. He converses again.
M. (to the devotees) – Research is carried out these days, you see. It is very valuable. If one quotes the authority, it is still more valuable.
"Just see, what the man is doing. What an intellect He has given man! All the old history is read from the copper plate. One should hear and read something about it in the beginning. Then alone the intellect is sharpened. If one is cultured one can quickly catch the essence (Brahman).
"One has to sharpen of one’s intellect a little, and what else! This intellect is also an illusion. That (the work done through the intellect — worldly knowledge) too is illusory.
"So one should read and write to sharpen one’s intellect. Then one can quickly catch the essence (of Brahman). So, Thakur said, ‘He who can keep the account of salt, can also keep the account of sugarcandy.’ "
Kiran is studying in a college while staying in the Student’s Home. He and Kanai will now return.
M. (to Kiran) – When will Hamendra Maharaj return (to Vidyapith)? Tulasi Maharaj (Swami Nirmalananda), is he to go there too? Bodhananda has lived in America for a long time.
Kiran and Kanai prostrate themselves to salute M.
M. – Aha, why in this way? (Folding his hands) This will do. Why take the trouble for doing all this?
Kiran and Kanai leave.
M. (thinking for a while) – Bodhananda was a college student then studying for his F.A. He went to Vidyasagar Mahashay for some donation. Celebrations were to be held in Kankurgachhi Yogodyan. So he would beg some money to buy something for Thakur. Vidyasagar Mahashay said, ‘It is good but if you wish to give something, give it by your earning.’ (Laughter). It means that these people are not in favour of such celebrations. They would prefer to give to the poor. They have no faith in all this.
"So he procured some rice by begging and sold them. Then he bought some fruit — mangoes — and took it with him. Vidyasagar Mahashay gave nothing. For he had no faith in such a thing.
"They say that P.C. Roy was also like him. He went to see Sarat in Parshibagan. They (members of the Samiti) told that he came and saw the clinic but did not even go to the place where Thakur was.
"What else could he do? Is everybody alike? There are different natures. Vidyasagar and P.C. Roy — they are not insignificant persons. If they feel this way, one should know that He has made them like this. It is division of labour — so many persons are put in every department.
"There is an another department too. There they want only God, nothing else. So one should not look contemptuously at anybody.
"Rajendra Dutt was like this. The shoes that he gave to Thakur are being worshipped in the Math even now. They are being worshipped for the last forty years.
"He also said, ‘I don’t believe in bhakti or anything like it.’ Saying so, he would tell a story. A babu had a garden. There were two gardeners in it. One of the two would say as soon as he saw the babu, ‘O, how handsome you are, what a gentleman!’ and so on. On the other hand, the garden became a forest, a jungle. The other gardener would not say anything like it. He would quietly weed out the garden. Now whom shall the babu like more — the former or the latter? (Laughter). Such was his opinion.
"But the sandals given by him are being worshipped in the Math for the last forty years!"
Antevasi (in a whisper) – How fortunate!
M. – Once I had once a talk with Akrur Dutt. His son was a classmate of mine. Once he fell a little ill. I went to see him. The boy introduced me to him. He began to treat me as one of the family.
"He was also a leading homeopath of Calcutta. He had taught Dr. Mahendra Sarkar. When? In 1871. It was fifty two years ago — only fifty two years. They all belong to the same group."
M. (to bhaktas) – Is it the full moon day today? Whose puja is undertaken at the time of the full moon day?
Balai – The puja of Satya Narayana.
M. – How much people enjoy themselves in God’s name! If you have a little indigestion, why should others not enjoy themselves?
The Elder Jiten – Why does it happen, sir? Why is there no full moon day everyday? Why is there Amavasya (the darkest day of the month)? Why is there no innate enjoyment?
M. – That is there. It comes when you have had His darshan. What happens then, let me tell you.
M. begins to sing in a deep, serene mood — he sings the song on ‘Samadhi of Universal Annihilation,’ written by Swamiji (V.N.).
Lo! the sun is not, nor the lovely moon. All light extinct. In the great void of space float the shadows, the image of the universe etc.
" ‘Shadows’ means this world of happiness and grief. Happiness, grief and trouble will always be there. So long as the body lasts, they will not leave. They only go when hHe keeps one in that state, described in the song. There is no ‘I’ there. Therefore, there is no grief and pain. Not even happiness — this happiness of the senses.
"So long as when lives with devotion and devotee all this is also there. So it is that the devotees have grief and pain. Even so, one should see to it that ‘I’ may not become the doer. Let it remain the ‘I’ of the bhakta, the ‘I’ of the servant — the ‘I’ of the child."
The Elder Jiten (before M. has finished speaking) – ‘Udara mudara tara tarate mishaye’ (the first tone, the medium tone and the major tone get mingled with the major tone).
M. (feeling irritated) – Why does man talk so big? One has this body then how does one talk of big things? Living within it and talking so big?
"If one were to say, why such talk comes out of the mouth,. The answer to it is that one is suffering from delirium. One says, ‘I will drink a pitcher whole of water.’ How does one say so? This is also like that. Everybody is suffering from the delirium of lust, anger and so on. This is the aberration.
"If you say, why doesn’t one always talk sense,. The answer to it is also the same — that delirium.
"What a wonder! Some little thing happens and the man thinks that he has attained all. This also is delirium. It is like the ant which thought while carrying a grain of sugar in its mouth that it would come back and carry away the whole hill of sugar." (His eyes smiling)."
M. thinks for a while and then he resumes.
M. (to the devotees) – I once had an attack of cholera. I was then teaching in the school located on that side (Shyambazar School). Thakur had fallen ill then and had come to Shyampukur. I was then in the outer room of the Deputy Mathur Nath’s house. There were students also in his house, you see. So, I was there.
"The students were serving me. I asked a student one day, ‘Which is your native place?’ He replied, ‘Madhupur.’ I said, ‘Do you have any hills there?.’ He said, ‘Yes.’ I again asked, ‘Is there a waterfall?’ He replied, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘Will you take me there? I would keep my head under the waterfall. And water will fall on my head. Will you take me there?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ (Laughter).
"The boy had understood rightly that I was talking like this because of my disease. Otherwise, why should he say ditto to everything (that I said)?
"There was another boy, a brahmin. I asked him, ‘A lot of eatables are cooked in your house. Will you give me some to eat?’ This was also like the talk on asking for something watery. (Laughter).
"Another incident. I was one day lying in the outer room. There was none beside me. A person came in. I asked him where he lived. He replied, ‘Sylet.’ I said, ‘Are oranges available there?’ He replied, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘Will you give me some?’ He was speechless on hearing this. He was living in Beliaghata. May be he come to know of my real state [of health] by meeting somebody.
"Such indeed is our state. How man talks big living in it? I feel amazed on seeing this."
The Elder Jiten (slowly) – No way out, sir.
M. (smiling) – Yes! such is the state while one is awake. And then, what happens while one is asleep, just see! Thakur used to say, ‘Even if someone urinates in the mouth one does not know of it, one has no awareness.’ And then, to talk big. (Laughter). He perhaps thinks that he is taking tea and he even drinks a little. (M. and all others laugh).
M. is silent for a while. He resumes.
M. (to the devotees) – How can we understand Him? (Pointing to the sky and stars) Reason, for all these are there. See, just see what a wonder! They also have the same state as we have vis-a-vis That (God). ‘The elder brother is also suffering from indigestion!’
"I have told you. You have to verify whether it is true. When you go there (in the higher regions) (laughter) you will see that ‘the elder brother also has indigestion.’
"This is what I think that it is the same there. You may then compare." (Laughter)."
Morton School, Calcutta
Saturday, 13 September 1924
28th Bhadra, 1331 (B.Y.)
The full moon day, 16 Dandas / 39 Palas.