DUE TO FEAR IT GOES ALL IN VAIN
1.
Morton School. The staircase room on the fourth level. M. is seated among bhaktas. The terraceroof is wet because of the rain. It is not possible to sit outside. The bhaktas have been assembling before it is evening. First to come were Manoranjan, Vinay and the Elder Jiten. Vinay is accompanied by his youngest brother, Kiran. The latter has two friends with him. They are all living in the Students Home and studying in the college. They are followed by the Stout Sudhir, Balai and Shanti. After them arrive Durga Babu (the Healring Balm) and Gadadhar. Jagabandhu stays here itself.
It is already evening. M. meditates along with the bhaktas. After the meditation is over, the Doctor and the Younger Amulya arrive. The Kathamrita is under print these days. So M. and Jagabandhu are ever busy reading the proofs. That is why, M. is tired. After the meditation is over, he goes down to the third level having engaged the devotees with the reading and listening to the Kathamrita. Manoranjan is reading: Sri Ramakrishna has come to the Balaram’s house. M. has come from the Shyambazar School during the lunch break to have Thakur’s darshan. It has been circulated about M. that he takes the good boys to Sri Ramakrishna for his darshan. Today it is Thursday, 4 September 1924, 19th of Bhadra, 1331 (B.Y.), the sixth day of the bright fortnight, 58 Dandas / 37 Palas.
It is half past eight. M. has just come up after his evening meal. As soon he comes, he begins to talk even without sitting.
M. (to the devotees) — What else! We are completely dependent. Nothing at all happens according to our wish. Now just take the body. Something within goes wrong and it no longer functions. So it is. That being so how can I say that we are not dependent.
"It is for this reason that we worship Mahamaya. It is by Her will that everything happens. So She has to be satisfied; just this and what else?
"The medical men know it well, what our body contains. They have dissected it and seen all. How much there is inside it! Heart, lungs, liver, spleen, auditory nerves, optical nerves – labyrinth of nervous system. They function in so many ways and that is how the body functions. Just take one of them, the liver for example. Let it stop working. Then everything stops functioning. What an affair this is, just see. How much of complications just to keep the body moving!. And then, there are also these, the mind and the intellect. What a wonder!"
The Elder Jiten — Where have these two gentlemen (mind and intellect) come from?
M — They (the Westerners) say, from outside. But only the men of this country have understood it right. Kapil says in Sankhya that they have come from this body itself. The leading scientists of that country (the West) have accepted this – Materialist theory.
"I also feel like this (that is, they have come from outside). Had the mind and intellect been there inside, why could one not one have the memory of what one was before?
"I feel that there is nothing like the so called jivatman (the individual soul). Had it been there one would have had the memory of the past. There is only Parmatman (God). They say that the mind and intellect go with the subtle body after death. But we cannot understand it.
"The body is a special kind of machine. By seeing the body one can tell what it contains within. Aren’t the two eyes like two mirrors? One can know all. So, it is that the body shows the inner marks of man. What kind of an individual one is can be known by his conduct – whether he is restless or not, whether he talks nonsense or not, and whether he is too talkative.
"There is someone who wanders on the roof and gapes at the roof nearby. It means that this is his nature. That is why, he is made to do so. But this man does not know it. Another man also notices it but cannot understand it. He thinks that it is because of his wickedness. No, his nature is such. It is that which is goading him.
"There is another who while going on the road sees on both sides of him only the objects of sensory enjoyments. Yet there is another man who has everything to see, but would not caste his glance on any. He is walking on the road and has all objects of sensory enjoyment around him. He does not raise his eyes at all to see anything. When his eyes perhaps fall on something while finding his way, he just sees it for a while and then shuts it down suppressing his mind. He is disciplined.
"The yogis have disciplined themselves in this way. They are not aiming at anything – their aim being their inside. Thus the definition of a yogi is the one who is not the slave of his mind. The mind is his slave.
"This is the mark of a yogi. His mind is self-controlled. He has no other aim – he aims none but God.
"What is the need of tapasya? It is only to control the mind. One’s tapasya can be examined on seeing how much the mind has been controlled.
"A man (M.) strolls on the roof. He never casts his glance at anything, anywhere. Once the ladies of other homes asked his wife, ‘Your husband strolls on the roof but why doesn’t he casts his glance here and there?’ Another woman said, ‘He does see but with slanting glance.’ (Laughter). The wife replied, ‘No, that is his nature. He does not see anybody.’ "
The youth Rakhal is employed at Mother Kali’s estate in Dakshineswar. He is here. The Younger Nalini had gone to Dakshineswar today for the darshan of Mother Kali. He has returned with prasad in his hands. M. along with the bhaktas take some prasad. Then they talk on various matters about the Dakshineswar temple.
M. has been wishing for long that the nahabat (concert in which Sanai is the main instrument) may be played upon in Mother Kali’s temple. It is after a long time that this wish has been fulfilled by the efforts of the receiver of the temple – the devoted Kiran Chand. Now the nahabat is sounded four times every day as it used to be in Sri Thakur’s time.
M.’s joy knows no bound. The treasurer of the temple has sent Rakhal today to invite M. and to tell him that the Mother has heard his prayers. She hears the nahabat four times daily these days. He might also come and listen to it. M. hears from Rakhal that the management of the Mother’s estate has now been arranged. The worship and offering of holy food to the Mother is being orderly performed. Sadhus, bhaktas and God-in-the-poor are being served in the Kali temple as before. Hearing this M. is overwhelmed with joy. He happily sings about the greatness and glories of God.
M. (to the bhaktas) — The man doesn’t possess the power to understand God’s work. His leeila is indeed wonderful. Man thinks of something, it happens otherwise. Just see, how the responsibility of Dakshineswar has come on Kiran Babu. Some individual filed a suit. Who knows what was in his mind? Why did the High Court make enquiries of the Belur Math concerning this case? Possibly, the judges thought that perhaps the Belur Math was interested in it. Then at the recommendation of the Belur Math, it came into the hands of Kiran Babu, in other words in the hands of the Math. That is why, all this is being done now – sounding of the nahabat, good arrangement for bhoga (offering of holy food). Now the devotees frequent it more often.
"And just take the Belur Math, how it came to be established? It came about with the money given by the western devotees. What a jungle it was all around! How much of malaria! E.I.R. decided to build something there – to start a factory near the Math on the bank of the Ganga. So they cleared the jungle. This also reduced the malaria a lot. But they built nothing. In between, all this work took place.
"So nobody can understand His work. Thus Thakur used to say, ‘You should pray: Lord, do that which is for our good.’ What can a man understand? He has to say something but he says something else. Only He knows what is for our good. It is He who has created this world, this universe.
"And take our mind and intellect. Such and such is so learned, so intelligent. See, what happens to his arrogance when he does not get food for seven days? One can’t tell where his intellect vanishes. And the cereals, has man made them? No, it is He. That is why, the rishis call cereals as Brahman. Besides, the vital breath, the mind and the intellect, they are also Brahman. They are smaller Brahman. They all came from that which is the brihat (big) Brahman,. To preserve the creation.
"What is not wonderful! Take the affection of the mother and father. Had it not been there, the world would have been uninhabited. The milk in the mother’s breast, just think over it what a wonderful affair it is! As soon as the mouth touches the breast it yields milk. As the child develops within the womb, the breasts begin to prepare milk. Thereafter, the air, the water – what is not a wonder? We are always swimming in the sea of wonder.
"But the man does not observe it. He thinks, but it always happens. Who does it, how does it happen, why does it happen – he has no time to look into these questions. Such is maya! On the one hand, night and day the man goes on saying, ‘I, I,.’ Yet he doesn’t care to look a little underneath, what is this ‘I’? From where has it come? Where does this ‘I’ go when he is slept?
"This each and every man is a mud ball. Why should he have such pride? These mud balls say, ‘We can create a better universe.’ What a conduct of His!
"This ‘I’ is there now but it becomes different in sleep, in dream and in deep sleep. It remains hidden. Only in samadhi does it leave. But when one comes down it again shows itself. Then there is nothing wrong in it. Then one sees that it is only the servant, the child of the great ‘I’."
The Elder Jiten — There is no control over the mind. Sometimes it is God-with-form, sometimes the formless God.
M. (smiling) — Dr. Mahendra Sarkar was a very witty person. He used to say, ‘What is the mind with-form like? Just this, when the mind is in the body – (it says) for example, my body, my hand, foot and face. (Everybody laughs). On the other hand, when it sees the house – (it says) for example, this is my room, this is my house. (Everybody laughs again). When it thinks of the Formless and Attributeless, it is formless.’ (Laughter).
"So one should pray to Him who is the master of the mind. One should say, ‘O Lord, pull my mind and fix it at Your lotus feet’ – dhiyo yo na prachodyat (may He enlighten our intellect).’
"One must make an effort. However, that alone is not enough. One has also to ask the mMaster. When He wills the mind is controlled. One who knows what the mind is, has control over it."
2.
Next day, it is eight in the morning. M. is seated on a bench in the room close to the staircase on the second level of the Morton School – he is facing north. In front of him is Antevasi. Both of them are reading the proofs. Many proofs of the Kathamrita have been received. Besides, the devotees are also arriving. The copy is in the hands of Antevasi. M. reads the proofs and in between instructs from it.
M. (to Gadadhar) — Just see, they say that one does not attain jnana without karma. So, Swamiji arranged for work in the math. Everybody hasn’t the same dhat (buildup, temperament) – it is different with different persons. He who has karma in his nature cannot meditate if you ask him to sit and do so. So one should take to work without the desire for its fruit. Then with the pure mind it will be possible to meditate on Him. That is why, this arrangement.
"It is generally to be seen that one does feels bad if one has no work. If one takes up some work, perhaps this does not happen. They say, idle brain is the devil’s workshop."
Mr. Dowling comes in. He has met M. a number of times. He was first introduced to M. in the Belur Math by Swami Abhedananda. M. talks to him.
M. (to Mr. Dowling) — Sri Ramakrishna said, ‘Meditate on me and me alone, and I will do the rest for you.’ Who can say these words? This evidently proves that he was the God-incarnate.
"Then he said, if you can’t meditate, then do pray incessantly. If that is also not possible, then do nishkama work, that is, work for God and not for your own enjoyment.
"Karma or work is the means. The end is God. Meditation is also karma. This also you are to do unselfishly. It is, of course, a higher type of work. But that also binds one equally if one does not do it surrendering the fruits thereof to the Lord."
This talk causes great disturbance to proof reading. Antevasi is feeling irritated but M.’s mind remains peaceful. He talks happily about Thakur and reads the proofs in between. He is perhaps thinking that it is Thakur who is sending the devotees. It is the same thing to serve the kKathamrita of Thakur to the devotees and to read proofs of the Kathamrita. Both give the same result, that of attaining bhakti at the feet of Sri Ramakrishna.
And there are some who come to consult him about the management of the Morton School. Them too M. instructs with a peaceful mind. Whatever he may be doing, it appears, he is doing with a feeling of service to the Lord. Is this serenity of his because of this?
Now it is evening. It is incessantly raining outside. It has continuously been raining for the last two days. Even then there is no end to the visit of the devotees. The Elder Jiten, the Younger Ramesh and the Younger Amulya have arrived. They are followed by Manoranjan, Vinay and Balai. Jagabandhu and Gadadhar are residing here itself. Everybody is sitting in the staircase room of the fourth level. M. is in a chair facing north, near the staircase. A little while later arrive Doctor Bakshi and the Younger Nalini. To dispel the fatigue of work of the whole day, M. absorbs himself in singing the praise and glories of Sri Ramakrishna.
M. (to the Younger Ramesh) — Is everybody all right at home?
The Younger Ramesh — No Sir. Some are suffering from malaria.
M. — Nobody sees what is the real cause of malaria. They say that it is the mosquito which brings it. But the mosquito is not the cause. The reason why such a state is brought on, is the cause.
"Have you not read what is known as fallacy in logic? When there are two invariable circumstances in it, many a time they look like cause and effect. But in reality it is not so. Both of them are the common effect of the same cause.
"Take for example, night and day. Night is followed by day and day by night. Seeing it one can say that day is the cause of night and vice versa. But in reality that is not so. Both of them are the effect of some other particular cause. Similarly, both mosquito and malaria are the effect of another particular cause. One is not the cause of the other – the cause is indeed this water and jungle.
"Shukalal Babu has his house in a very bad locality. Beliaghata is on the other side of the canal. There is a lot of stink there. The water of the canal breeds mosquito.
"Now the theory is that the mosquito brings malaria. But many a time they change the theory. May be that after ten years they say something else. So one should not put one’s faith sixteen annas (full complement) in any theory. One should believe it one, two, three or at the most four annas – not more than that."
M. (to the Younger Amulya) — What news have you of Doctor Babu? Has he told the driver?
The Younger Amulya — Yes Sir. He has dismissed the driver. He will probably file a suit in the court. He has damaged the car and yet he is creating a dispute.
M. — It is better to consult some experienced lawyer whether the driver is liable for this damage.
The Elder Jiten — To dismiss and the maidservant one has to pay one rupee more. One should pay something more also to the servant while dismissing him. When this is not done he causes a trouble. The work then increases manifold. By paying it decreases.
"Fighting a case is a great nuisance. Such a big lawyer is Srir Ras Bihari. And he has said, ‘Don’t go to the Court.’ "
M. — That’s right. But what he has said is not ideal. It’s only right from one point of view. But, how valuable is a lawsuit! One shall develop such mentality (of getting deceived). What to do about it?
Enters Doctor Kartik Bakshi. M. again contradicts what the Elder Jiten said – ‘fighting a case is a great nuisance.’
M. (to the Elder Jiten) — One cannot rid oneself of the karma just by wishing so. Why does one have to go to law? There is a special great spiritual significance in it. If one has the mentality of avoiding recourse to law, one will not be able to outwit the onslaught of anger and lust with this mentality. So Lord Krishna said to Arjuna, ‘Kshudram hridaya daurbalyam tyaktva uttishtha paramtapa’ (Gita 2:3). (Giving up this faint heartedness, wake up, O vanquisher of foes!).
"Why did Arjuna not want to fight? He was beset with affection, with fear. Any work that one avoids because of fear is not renunciation of work. One the other hand, it adds to one’s work."
M. (to the devotees) — A constant fight goes on between man and work. He who does not want to roll up his sleeves and fight, cannot get himself rid of work.
"That’s why, there is a need of the guru. How to develop the muscles can only be learnt from the guru.
"Indifference to work cannot last. It is possible only after God realization. Then the renunciation of work comes about. However, some still stick to work for teaching humanity, for example the avatara and so on, for the good of the world. They wish to live with devotees. They wish to live with a slight illusion. The reason? It is God’s will. It is like the play of children. It cannot harm them. All that the perfected persons say is the last word. There is no but in it.
"There are only these – karma kanda (ceremonies, rituals, acts) and karma yoga (yoga of selfless work). The karma kanda is useless work. And karma yoga is that work which purifies the mind, makes one attain God – it is work without the desire for any reward."
3.
It is eight p.m. M. has gone to the third level for his evening meals. Before going he opens the Bhagavata at the chapter, titled, ‘Company of sadhus and renunciation of work,’ to read.
A bhakta begins to read and the others listen to him with concentrated mind. Just when the reading of the chapter is coming to an end, M. arrives and asks for the text read before to be read out again. This reading also ends. It is 8.30 p.m. M. converses.
M (to the devotees) — Why does one do this reading of the book? So that one translates it into daily practice one reads. There is no other reason for it. By reading the book one comes to know what is to be done. Then leaving the book one has to practise it. It is easy to read, difficult to practise. Practice involves a lot of hardship – there is a lot of trouble in it. If that frightens you, you can never do it. The gold has not been melted. The life has gone in vain in eating, dressing, resting and sleeping.
"Thakur said to Adhar Sen: Finish it early. Man’s life is like coming to city from the village for work. As soon as the work is over one has to go back. Before the game is over, one should do such work so as to gain bhaktia for the Lord. When one attains bhakti one can have God’s darshan by His Ggrace, in this very life. If that does not happen, even then there is no harm in it. The same devotion will help in the next life. One will start then from where one left it to reach the goal. The goal is God realization.
"Fearing will not do. Whichever work lies in front of you, it must be done tightening your belt and in a nishkama way."
M. (to a particular young man) — That is why I asked Doctor Babu that he should consult a good advocate taking Lalit Babu with him. That Doctor Babu has fallen into a lawsuit, should he not pursue it? If you ask why to do it, the reply is that it will purify the mind. He whose mind has been purified can control lust, anger etc. This struggle ever and ever goes night and day within the man. He who is afraid of work faces defeat in the battle of life.
"There is work because there is the body. If there is no body, there is nothing at all. It does not help just saying that all this is nothing. You say it as you have heard it. Has it become a part of your life? That being not so, how can you say that all this is nothing?
"The world is also an illusion, the work is also an illusion and the body is an illusion too – it is to understand this that there is provision for all this work. Now these are the words of the mouth, you have to take this work in hand. That is, you have to do it selflessly to purify the mind. It is then that on having His darshan by His grace, you know that all this is an illusion. This is a very high idea.
"To defeat an illusion with another illusion! One realizes then that both of them are nothing.
"He who does not perform his prescribed duties cannot conquer his lust and anger. You cannot, therefore, realize God if you neglect the work before you. It is not right to neglect any work whether big or small.
"The other day I read this in a newspaper. A Buddhist monk was teaching a pupil. He got angry and instantly gave him a blow of his fist. This resulted in the boy’s death. The judge gave a thought and awarded him rigorous imprisonment. In his judgement he said, ‘We know that you are a monk but to safeguard the sanctity of law we award you this punishment.’
"He (the monk) had not been able to control his anger and this was the result. It is the same with lust. If one is not able to control it, children are born.
"Just see, what is work like. The monk had gone to take to nishkama karma having renounced all. In other words, he had gone to reduce his work. And now he added to his work. When work increases in this way one fidgets about up and down in the sea of work.
"It is like a steamer in the canal. Suddenly when, it comes to the sea, and then it tosses about (he swings his body) like this. Why so? Because the steamer has gone into the sea.
"Thus one should do only the work enjoined upon by the Guru. One should follow that whatever He tells having come in the form of the Guru. And secondly, one should think deeply on all his instructions. He makes you understand if you do both of these.
"What use is it simply to memorize? There are many who have memorized a lot. But they never put a little into practice. They don’t try to bring it to their fingers. What use it is it to repeat the memorized musical notation?
"You must pray to Him. You must love Him."
M. (to the devotees) — There is no way but the word of the Guru. He who does not put faith in the gGuru’s injunction tosses about in the sea of sansara.
"So Sri Krishna said to Arjuna, ‘You are a Kkshatriya. Fighting battle is in your nature. You will have to fight.’ ‘Prakritih tvam niyokshyati’ (Gita 18:59). (Your nature will compel you). And then, he also said, ‘If you do not listen to me, if you do not fight, you will perish.’ ‘Chet tvam ahamkarat na sroshyasi vinankshyasi’ (Gita 18:58). (If from egoism you will not hear Me, you will perish). It means that your soul will perish, you will have a downfall. You will fall into the sea of karmas."
M. (to a particular devotee) — One should give one’s care to the children at the right time. So many do not attend to them in time. This increases their work at the end. A number of problems have to be attended to at the end. If he had been looked after well in time he might perhaps have developed as an efficient person. Since this was not done, he has turned out as a fool. Now you have to pay for his foolish deeds. So, do it now. Why were you not careful in the beginning? Your misery will increase with anything you neglect or avoid. On the other hand, if you give too much care or try to exceed the limit, it also gives bad results. Thus attend to all your duty adopting the middle path.
Doctor Bakshi — It is indeed good if one lives with japa and dhyana. This too is God’s work.
M. — It is good no doubt, so practise it. But can one do it? If one can do it, it is indeed very good. Tasting the shanta rasa (the serene mood) – this is what the rishis did. The rishis were living for Him to the exclusion of all other work. They woruld go to any distant place. There are six attitudes in which you can establish a relationship with God. The shanta bhava is one of them. Since it is not possible, there is the way of karma (activity).
The Elder Jiten – It has also been seen that without doing work one does not form a great character.
M. — No. It is right to take to work intellectually. To arrive at a principle in this way is one kind but this (the Doctor’s lawsuit) is not the same. It is joined by the highest ideal. That is of one kind and this of another kind. What is it like? It i’s like taking out a thorn with the help of a thorn and then throwing both of them away.
"Even Christ who was such a serene personality said that you should fight when there is need of it. Earlier I thought that all the work of Christ was resistance based (non violence). But when I went deep into it I came to know that it was not so. Even he asked to fight when there was a need a of it.
"When they came to arrest Christ, his disciples stood up taking up arms. One of them cut the ear of a man of the opposite party. Then he said, ‘No, don’t do it.’ And then the ear again got attached by his will – so it is said.
"Why did he let all this happen? So that the principle was asserted. To cite an example, he let this little protest take place and then said, ‘Aha, be at peace – don’t do it, please don’t do it.’ The holy books contain everything."
M. (to Gadadhar) — You do see, one has to work. If one doesn’t work one gets involved in still more work later on. It is even said that it leads to destruction.
"Lord Krishna worked forsaking sleep – completely giving up food and sleep.
"Who but the avatara has the capacity to unravel the mystery of work? Sri Krishna said to Arjuna, ‘Do that which is in your nature and do it without any selfish motive.’ Arjuna did not want to take to action of battle, naturally suited for him, because of fear and attachment. Sri Krishna threatened him and assured him, and made him fight the battle. That is how he was established in sattva. Giving up the kingdom he departed for his last great journey. He performed all, the battle of Kurukshetra, the Rajasuya Yajna. That is how he got well established in the fact that the world is an illusion and Brahman the reality. Then he gave up his body ins the snows of the Himalayas.
"The kingdom for which he waged such a big battle, he left after getting it for the final great journey. Why? He attained the jnana that all was an illusion, only Brahman was the reality. Why should then he stay there any longer?
"So, if one works taking refuge in the Guru or the avatara, one quickly gets rid of work. The mind is then purified, all the desires of the mind are destroyed and one attains jnana. This is what is known as liberation. This is indeed is the general rule.
"Thakur has now shown another path which suits the present time. Said he, ‘Weep and say in a solitary nook: Lord, grant me Your darshan.’ This is an easy path."
All the devotees take leave to depart. M. enters his room. The Younger Jiten and Antevasi also enter the room. M. talks to the Younger Jiten.
M. (to the Younger Jiten, with a smile in his eyes) — That is why I told Doctor Babu that if he did not perform his duty (file his lawsuit), he will increase his work. Possibly he will have six or seven more children. ‘Tasmat sarveshu kaleshu mam anusmara yudhya cha’ (Gita 8:7). (Therefore, at all times think upon Me alone and fight). Always remember Him, and along with it keep on working. This is the path.
Morton School, Calcutta
Friday, 5 September 1924
20th Bhadra, 1331 (B.Y.)
The seventh day of the bright fortnight
54 Dandas / 20 Palas.