M. has had the darshan of Mother Kali this morning. It is 10.30. He sets out for Dakshineswar accompanied by the attendant. He reaches the esplanade by tram from Kalighat. It is winter, the Sankranti of the month of Paush. It has rained heavily last night and this morning. M. is staying these days at the Gadadhar Ashrama in Bhowanipur.

M. has a woollen sweater on his body. Over it he wears a Bengali shirt of ash-coloured ‘war flannel’. On his feet he has his usual varnished slippers. He wears a white-bordered dhoti and a chadar of raw silk on the shoulders. On his head he has a muffler. In the pocket he has a hand cloth.

The tram starts. M. and the attendant are sitting inside. M. says to the attendant, ‘Please ask for small change of a rupee while buying a ticket. I shall do the same. We shall then have change of two rupees. This will be useful.’ And this is what happens.

While coming to the tram station from the Kalighat, M. has dropped his hand cloth without him or the attendant noticing it. A group of Oriya pilgrims are on their way for the darshan of the Mother Kali. One of them shouts a number of times: Babu, you have dropped your cloth. His last words reach the attendant’s ear. The attendant runs and picks up the hand cloth. M. says: ‘Just see, Thakur himself came here in the guise of a pilgrim and left after saying these words. Didn’t he often say: It is very wrong to loose a hand cloth.

M. is standing at the esplanade. The Bagbazar tram is not leaving and the time is passing. The clock of the White tower shows that it is 10.40. M. is restless. Says he, ‘It will be noon by the time we reach Dakshineswar. You may go there if you like and tell them about me. I may, if possible, go there in the evening after some rest. I have very little hope of going there and even if I go now, can I have darshan of the Mother’s bath?’ The attendant says, ‘Today is the day of Paush-parvana. There is a possibility of seeing the Mother’s bath.’ Both of them are talking seated in the Bagbazar tram. Suddenly the tram starts but it stops near the siding and doesn’t move farther!

M. decides to return to the Gadadhar Ashrama. Closeby there is the tram for Kalighat. As soon as he sees it, it starts. M. boards it quickly in a second class compartment. He asks the attendant to go to Dakshineswar and tell the devotees that if possible he will try to go there in the evening.

Just then starts the tram for Bagbazar. How strange is this play! Within a minute M. and the attendant are moving in two different directions. Sad at heart the attendant boards a bus to Alambazar on reaching Bagbazar. There the horse-driven cab of the doctor is waiting for M. Riding it the attendant reaches the Dakshineswar temple. Not seeing M. all the devotees feel disheartened. The ‘central jewel’ of today’s festivity is M. This arrangement is in his honour. A plenty of arrangements have been made but in the absence of M. they may all go in vain.

It was decided before hand that the attendant would bring M. by 8 o’ clock. This has not been possible because of the morning rain and M.’s darshan of the Mother at Kalighat. Seeing the delay devotees became impatient. They had sent the Younger Amulaya to Bhowanipur at 9 o’clock. He is awaiting M. at the Gadadhar Ashrama. On the other hand, hearing from the attendant what M. said, a gloom spreads over the devotees. So, they send Sukhendu at half past one. But before Sukhendu reaches Bhowanipur, M. comes to Dakshineswar along with the Younger Amulaya. The devotees are full of joy on having M. with them. The lotus of their heart blooms forth as also the lotus of their faces - like the lotus flower opening at sunrise.

The coach stops on the northern bank of the Hansapukur. M. proceeds towards the Panchavati going through the Vilvatala with the devotees. On the way he meets a bhakta and asks him affectionately, ‘Have you had your food?’ ‘Yes Sir. In the morning Thakur was offered the bhoga of halva. All of us have had the same prasad,’ says the bhakta.

Food is being cooked under the banyan tree of Thakur’s spot of tapasya. To the north of the altar there is a mango tree, to its north there is a row of crotons. This is the kitchen for today’s festivity. The bhaktas were very keen that they should offer bhoga to Thakur at this holy spot of Panchavati, but Ghoshal, the treasurer of the temple had objected to it. The devotees would also not yield. The Younger Jiten went to Bagbazar and brought permission from Kiran Dutta, the manager of the temple. Ramlal Dada also approved of it.

M. goes round the Panchavati after seeing the kitchen and the food being prepared. First he goes to the spot of the sadhana of Thakur - he goes round the spot of realization, the banyan altar. Then he goes round the Panchavati planted by Thakur himself and the hut of his sadhana. Standing at the foot of the Panchvati, facing north, M. lies prostrate on the ground. Now he touches the Madhavi creeper planted by the blessed hands of Thakur, embraces it and offers it pranam. It has now grown very big. Thakur had got it from Vrindaban and planted it here. The Madhavi has a strong trunk. Climbing up, it tightly embraces with its two arms the Siddha-banyan tree and the Ashwattha tree of the Panchavati. Under the sacred Madhavi, Paramhansa Swami Totapuri, the image of jnana had established his seat after eleven month long dhuni (sacred fire) burning there. Thakur used to go there daily to have his darshan and offer him his pranam. And he spent a long time there discussing the Vedanta, singing bhajans and losing himself in samadhi.

M. touches the door of the hut for sadhana with folded hands and bringing to his forehead near the door, offers his pranam. It was in this sadhana-hut that Sri Totapuri had helped Thakur attain Nirvikalpa Samadhi, the ultimate goal of Vedanta. Seeing Thakur in the state of Nirvikalpa with ordinary effort he had been amazed to his bones. He said, ‘What is this? Who is he?’ The samadhi he had attained after forty long years of practice this young man a achieved in a moment. For three days, this young man remained immersed in the ocean of Brahman. Who is this youngman?

M. tells us that earier this hut was made of mud. It was then that Thakur went into Nirvikalpa samadhi in it. Later on, it was built in bricks. At that time there was nothing in this room. Now an idol of Shiva has been installed there. How much will happen here in future, how much will it be associated with the name of Thakur! Such things happen everywhere. The purity does not last, it gets mixed with baser material. M. takes a glimpse of inside the hut through the southern window, standing on a step.

M. now stands on the platform of the southern ghat of Hansapukur, with folded hands. He sees and offers his pranam to the water of the pond, the steps, the platform and the clump of trees nearby with half closed eyes - as if he is looking for something in the interior of his memory. It looks as if he is drawing pictures from his sweet memories. As one stands there, one has the Ganga and the Panchavati to his left, infront the Vilvatala and behind the Kuthi. All these are witnesses to Bhagvan Sri Ramakrishna’s lila. With a sign of his eyes he asks a devotee to bring water from the pond. The devotee brings a palmful of water. M. sprinkles the water on his forehead with his right hand and takes a few drops.

Bhagvan Sri Ramakrishna used to come to this point of the pond to fetch water daily for thirty years. The same water he used for toilet etc. ‘Gangavari Brahmanvari’- the water of the Ganga is Brahman itself. One should not use this water for toilet. Standing on this platform one day he said to Narendra Nath, ‘You should come more frequently. Haven’t you seen what man and woman do in their first days of love? It thickens one’s love, it become deeper.’

[What a great man does, others follow; people go by the example he sets; Gita 3:21]

Imitating M. the bhaktas also wet their foreheads with that holy water and drink a little of it.

M. stands facing south on the roof of the Kuthi climbing up the southern steps of the southern verandah. To his right is the Holy Mother’s living room - the Nahabat, the bathing point of Bakultala and the Ganga. To his left is the previous living room of Sri Ramakrishna. It was in this room that he used to live with his mother. His nephew Akshay died in this room. In his sorrow mother Chandra Devi gave up this room and they began to live in the present famous room of Thakur. He lived for sixteen years in the Kuthi and fourteen years in this room. In this room he enacted his avatara lila with the inner circle of his devotees and Keshab and others of the outer circle.

The devotees open the door of the living room of the Kuthi and also the windows. M. along with the bhaktas offer pranam lying prostate on the ground and take a glimpse of the Ganga with folded hands. Now M. comes out by the way to the north of Thakur’s room. He offers pranam placing his forehead in north-eastern corner of the adjacent verandah to north. It was at this spot that Thakur used to stand and say goodbye to the bhaktas.

M. offers pranam in the Holy Mother’s room in the Nahabat, placing his forehead on the steps. At a sign from him, Antevasi opens the door of this room. M. peeps in to have darshan. Now M. walks towards the west on the southern embankment on the Bakultala ghat. To his right, to south flows the Ganga and infront of him is the Belur Math. Having gone some distance M. returns by the same way, and stands at the junction of the north and the west. This is the time of ebb in the Ganga. One can see the clay bed of the Ganga. Receiving a signal from M.’s eye, the Younger Jiten brings a little clay. M. makes a holy mark with it on his forehead. The devotees do likewise. It is on this very embankment that Thakur used to stroll and hear the Anahat sound deep at night.

Now it’s Thakur’s room. M. himself opens the western door to have darshan of the Ganga. A particular bhakta also opens the door to the north. M. takes a seat on the floor with the Ganga in front of him. To his right are seated Ramani, the Younger Amulaya and Yogen; the Elder Amulaya, a little away. Behind sits advocate Lalit Banerji. To the left are seated Gadadhar, the Doctor and Jagabandhu. The room is full with three devotees from Srihutt and other devotees from elsewhere. Now it is quarter to four. Says M., ‘Why? Where are the singers?’ Jagabandhu points at Ramani But M. finds out Lalit and says to him, ‘Please sing that song of Shiva.’ Lalit sings:

Mahadeva, the great Yogin plunged in the joy eternal . . .

Ramani is educated, quiet and is sweet throated.Now he sings drenching everybody in sweetness (of the song):

So it is Mother that

Shiva is so completely absorbed.

Otherwise, why would

Trilochan bear your foot so earnestly on his heart . . .

When the song ends, M. says, ‘Please sing that one: O Mother, who knows what is your hue?’ Ramani sings:

O Mother Shyama ! You are like the waves of nectar,

Who knows what is Your hue and when?

O Mother Begetter ! even the attack of Kamadeva is

fully blunted by the charm of Your movements.

O Mother with sword in hand, by your lightening dance,

the earth rumbles and tumbles.

O the Terrible One!

You are endowed with the three gunas,

You are the creator of the three cities,

Tara, the Terrible consort of Kala.

O Mother, assuming so many forms,

You fulfill the desires of Your devotees.

O, the Eternal Perfect Brahman Ma!

Sometimes You dance in

the lotus of the heart of Kamalakant.

Mother, lost in the ecstasy of joy

in the company of Shiva . . .

The bee of my mind drinks deep

at the blue lotus feet of Mother Shyama.

Can everybody get the treasure of Shyama?

Is Kali’s treasure for all ?

This foolish mind does not know

What this treasure is, what a pity!

Even with all his mind absorbed in Mother Shyama’s

crimson feet, this treasure is rare for Shiva.

To him who meditates on Her

the riches of heaven are poor indeed;

If only Shyama casts Her glance on him,

he swims in the Eternal Bliss.

Her feet, whom the prince of yogis,

the king of the gods, can’t meditate upon

Yet worthless Kamalakant yearns for

the Mother’s those blessed feet!

This last song is sung by everybody, M. himself singing in between. The song ends. M. is about to come out by the eastern door, he sees two devotees humming a tune. Says M., ‘Why don’t you sing?’ M. sits down. All the devotees sing:

O Ramakrishna, the dispeller of the fear of the world,

Victory to you! Victory !

Victory ! Victory to you,

O Para-Brahman in human form!

This earth is enveloped in the

darkness of woman and gold,

So the sun of Ramakrishna

has appeared with infinite power.

Bringing with you the great harmony of religions,

You come from age to age.

The men and women of the world,

are calling you yearningly.

Having heard your fear-dispelling words,

O the wish-fulfulling gem of the world,

This desolate beggar has come to your door,

burnt with the woes of the world.

M. is standing in the south-eastern verandah. A mat still marks the spot that used to be occupied by Hazara Mahashaya. It is sometimes occupied when the bhaktas are there; formerly Sriyukta Ramlal Dada and Shivaram Dada used to sit on it, now their sons Nakul and others also sit here.

Today a robust middle-aged devotee is sitting there. He is a brahmin and a fellow full of joy. Seeing M. he at once stands up and with folded hands greets him, and lying prostrate on the ground offers him pranam. With folded hands he says, ‘Today I have had the darshan of the all-knowing Mahrishi Vedavyasa. I am indeed blessed. I tried earlier too but could not have your darshan.’ M. replies smilingly, ‘It is good you have had the darshana at an auspicious place.’

M. now offers his pranam to the steps leading to the six Shiva temples in the north. One day Thakur was seated on these very steps in a deep samadhi. He was photographed in that very state. This photograph is now worshipped everwhere.

M. offers his pranam right in the middle of the step leading to Vishnu Mandir from the courtyard. Thakur used to offer his pranam exactly like this facing north, when Keshab Sen and others used to visit him. Modern educated devotees do not know how to offer pranam by lying on the ground. That’s why Thakur and M. did so for the instruction of the devotees. Even those who know how to do it feel shy of offering pranam in this way. That’s why this conduct. Later on Keshab Sen and others also began to offer pranam by lying prostrate on the ground. Putting the cloth round his neck, M. offers a rupee to Radha-Krishna with pranam and climbs down after taking the holy water. Antevasi takes a little Ganga water from the tub and gives it on M.’s palm.

M. stands at the feet of Bhavatarini with folded hands. Then with the Goddess to his right, he sits down on the floor. Having received the Mother’s consent, he puts the cloth round his neck and offers pranam to the Mother again and again by lying prostrate on the ground in an unsteady manner. M. is inebriated with bhava - a soft sweet light of joy plays on his face.

In his early youth, M. had requested Sri Ramakrishna for sannyasa. Thakur said, ‘The Mother of the Universe has told me that you have to do a bit of Her work living as a householder - you will have to teach the Bhagavata to people.’ Even when M. insisted again and again, he said indistinctly one evening on coming out of the state of samadhi: ‘Let nobody think that without him the work of the Mother will stop. The Mother creates great teachers just with a piece of straw.’ Since that day M. resolved to work in obedience to Thakur’s command.

Thakur dedicated M. at the feet of the Mother with the song: ‘I have taken Your name, You save all from birth and death, You who dispel fear.’ And then he asked for one kala (1/16th) of power from the Mother and gave it to M. Said he to the Mother, ‘You have given him just a kala of power? Well, this is enough for Your work.’ Thakur had wished for more. This incident took place on 22nd July 1883.

And again Thakur prayed to the Mother, ‘Mother, don’t make him renounce all. If You keep him in the household give him Your darshan sometimes otherwise what will he live with?’ Like a devotee-son of his father, a devoted-disciple of his master, M. has been acting on that command with determination for forty years like an obedient child. He is now old. That’s why today M. is so full of joy seated near the Mother - in the joy of fulfilling the difficult vow of teaching the mankind. And he also has the joy of a son at this nearness to the feet of the Mother.

M. is seated in front of the Mother in dhyana. Nakul, the son of Thakur’s niece comes and says, ‘Uncle, here are the charanamrita (holy water) and vermillion of the Mother.’ M. offers a rupee as pranami and goes back into dhyana. Today is the Sankranti of the month of Paush. So there is a big crowd - the temple has remained open for the whole day. Even so the guards keep the visitors under control lest they should obstruct M.’s dhyana. After a considerable time, M. again offers pranam and gets up. His face is shining bright with a joyous sweetness, in the love for the Mother.

M. is seated at the Bara ghat of the Ganga. The river is in low tide today. It is winter, so the level of the Ganga has gone down considerably. M. comes to the steps offers his pranam first facing south, later facing north. What is the significance of his offering two pranam twice in both the directions - does pranam to south signify to the Belur Math and that towards north signify to the Panchavati, Nahabat, Thakur’s room and Mother Kali? The primary aim is to offer pranam to the Ganga and the secondary to the holy places. Mother Ganga is indeed the conjunction of all the holy places. The devotees always follow and imitate M.’s conduct. M. is absorbed in dhyana with the bhaktas. Vinay and the Younger Amulaya are busy cooking. Now they come and partake in dhyana. The doctor, the Elder Amulaya and the Younger Amulaya go to the Panchavati for serving food.

M. stands at the ghat of the Ganga facing north and then proceeds towards the Panchavati followed by the bhaktas. First he passes by Thakur’s room to his right and then the Mother’s Nahabat. To his left towards the Ganga, there is high bench made of bricks. Thakur used to sit on it at times. M. touches it with his hands and brings them to his forehead. Wherever Thakur stood and wherever he sat, all such spots are the holiest of the holy places for M. - modern places of pilgrimage for modern India.

The Panchavati. The old altar under the banyan, to north of it there is a huge mango tree. It is under this tree that the participants are seated. Sadhus and bhaktas with M. are seated in two rows facing each other.

M. is seated on a blanket seat facing Panchavati. Seated with him are Banku Babu and Lal Bihari Babu. There are thirty sadhus and bhaktas - the Doctor, Vinay, the Younger Amulaya, the Younger Nalini, Ramani, the Elder Nalini, Yogen and his son Khoka, the three devotees of Srihutt, the Elder Amulaya, the Younger Jiten, Sukhendu, Jagabandhu and others.

The cooks, the service men, the partakers of the holy food and the work assistants are all bhaktas.

Various kinds of eatables have been prepared as offering - rice cum pulse (khichri), potatoes, spiced ragout of cauilflower, plum chutney, fried papars, fried brinjals and so on. Add to it ghee, curd, sandesh, balls of thickened milk, rasogullas - these all constitute the offering.

M. says, ‘It would have been better, if you had not sent away Sukhendu Babu. He has not been able to partake in today’s festivity.’ Before he has finished, Sukhendu returns. M. says, ‘Give, Please gave him everything of the prasad.’

At this very spot, the bhaktas have been holding picnics and cooking themselves during Thakur’s time as well. One remembers how once only two rupees had been collected. But even that was enough to enjoy thoroughly.

This is a very sacred spot Thakur used to lie here wailing for the Mother’s darshan for the whole night and day. Every particle of dust bears his touch.

One must remind oneself of his divine play while partaking in such festivity. And then alone the joy becomes a living joy and gains depth.

M. rises at quarter past five. Having offered his pranam in the Thakur’s room, he gets into the horse driven-coach. With him are the Doctor, Banku Babu and Lal Bihari Babu.

The bhaktas after attending the arati service of the Mother return to Alambazar on foot and set out for Calcutta in a bus all for themselves. They all sing hymns on the way:

What need of Ganga, Prabhas,

Kashi, Kanchi or such places,

If the lips can utter, Kali, Kali, Kali,

when the life ebbs out?. .

O, the insane!

You will not be able to attain the Insane Ma

Unless you behave like a really insane person.

Behaving insane hypocritically

With a bundle under your armpit

will be of no avail. . .