Gadadhar Ashrama, Bhowanipur, Brahma-muhurta (the hour before the dawn). It is 4 a.m. The Mangal arati (morning worship with lamps) is over. Thakur’s photo, half covered with a woollen cloth has been placed on the altar facing south. The seat of the priest is towards the east. In the room a small electric lamp is shedding bluish light. All the four directions are filled with the fragrance of the incense stick. Many sadhus and bhaktas are absorbed in meditation - some of them in the shrine, others in the meditation room. The meditation room is the southern part of the shrine divided by a railing. In the shrine reigns a deep peaceful atmosphere. M. comes out of his personal room closeby, towards the north and pays his obeisance by lying prostrate in the Thakur’s shrine. He follows it up by folding his hands and offering his pranam individually to all the persons meditating there. Then he returns to his room.

It is quarter past six. The sadhus and the bhaktas enter M.’s room one by one and offer him their pranam. It is the first day of the month of Paush today. It has been raining since late night. Though Bengalis are in a majority, men and women from all Indian provinces are there taking their dip in the primordial river Ganga - they are drenched in rain. Ganga Mai ki jai (Victory to Mother Ganga) - the whole atmosphere resounds again and again with this holy slogan.

M. stands in the verandah facing west and witnesses this divine scene with wonder. In front of him flows the Ganga. M.’s face is bright, his two eyes steady and fixed within.

M. sees groups of persons arriving and leaving (after a dip). It continues raining. The path and the bathing point are wet, some spots are muddy. However none is bothered about the rain.

M. calls for the sadhus and the bhaktas in a sweet voice and shows them this holy scene. Full of joy, says he, ‘Just see, how Dharma is manifesting itself today! None has any thought of his body, absorbed as they are in a divine mood.’

Now he says in a voice full of compassion, ‘How much trouble they take so gladly for the sake of Dharma, for the sake of God! It is cold yet they take a bath in the Ganga in the morning. And on the top of it they are constantly getting drenched in rain! Suppose they were to fall ill!’

Both joy and fear are playing together on M.’s face. He is happy to witness their devotion to Dharma and is fearful because of the possibility of illness.

The sky is over cast, spreading darkness all around. M. is pacing the floor of the room, east to west. Then he says slowly to a bhakta: ‘The mind is so full of Dakshineswar yet I dare not because of the (inclement) weather. Who knows if one will have such a luck?’

The eastern sky is gradually becoming clear - the clouds are spreading over the western sky. M. can no longer stay in the room. Taking an attendant with him he comes out. It is no longer raining, it is about 8 o’clock. Both of them are proceeding towards the tram stand. A piece of cloud is again covering the sun. Pointing to it, he says to the attendant, ‘Just see, how much more powerful is the cloud than the sun. See how it has covered the sun. It is the same with maya. Avidya maya covers man’s intellect in the same way. If the wind of His grace blows away the cloud of maya one can then see the sun - the sun, that is God.’

Having proceeded a little he says to the attendant, ‘Please meet me at the stand near the temple. I am coming by tram.’ M. goes by tram. The attendant proceeds toward the temple at a fast pace.

Having alighted from the tram, M. takes the path along the bank of the Ganga towards the temple to south. Casting his glance on the shops on both sides of the road moving to and fro M. walks on with a steady gait. The attendant remaining behind notices M.’s movement from a distance without his knowledge. He feels as if it is a child walking joyfully along. On his face play curosity and wonder. Is he seeing the Lilamaya (the master of all divine sport) in all things?

M. glances over the children’s toy shop on the right side and then the snack shop full of variety of sweets on the left. Then he sees the cloth shop of varied colours and then that of papar-pakoras and then the shop of clay idols, Shiva and Radhakrishana and other deities. Does he see different shops selling different things, all men-shopkeepers, visitors, the cow, the dog and other animals on the path - different articles, different directions, the atmosphere, the Sun and so on, all containing the Lilamaya with in? That which resides in all - the Atman?

M. sees the attendant. And suddenly his child-like happy mood disappears. He proceeds towards the Mother’s temple like a simple devotee. He asks the attendant how long has he been there. For quite sometime, replies the attendant. ‘Did you see me?’ asks M. ‘Yes sir,’ answers the attendant. The mark of embarrasment that gets imprinted on the face when one is seen doing something stealthily, is visible on M.’s face - but still it is full of joy.

The Kali Ghat. M. is standing outside the wall of Mother Kali’s temple, near the north-eastern corner on the bank of the pond. The attendant brings some water from the pond at M.’s instance. M. touches the water and sprinkles it on his mouth and over his forehead.

M. enters the temple courtyard by the north-eastern gate. With the temple to his right, he makes a circumambulation. There is an unimaginable crowd at the eastern entrance gate of the temple, it being the Makar Sankranti (the passage of the sun into the sign capricornus). M. tries to take a glimpse of the Mother as he stands in the street between the southern gate of the temple and the Nat-mandir, but doesn’t succeed. That’s why coming out of the street, he takes a round with the Nat-mandir on his right. He offers his obeisance by touching the floor of the newly built southern temple of Shiva with his forehead. Then touching the sacrificial wooden frame with his right hand he brings it to touch his forehead. M. is full of joy, but solemn.

Now M. comes and stands to west of the Nat-Mandir. He decides to go the Adi-Ganga. He proceeds on the same path. The Govindji’s temple stands in the courtyard to the right of the path. He comes and stands here to take a holy glimpse. A devotee-advocate comes and pays him his pranam. He is Nirmal Chandra Chattopadhyaya and lives at 29, Nakuleshwartala. He earnestly invites M. to visit his house on his way back.

Returning after the darshan of Govindji, M. sends the attendant away. Later on his return both of them go towards the Ganga. As soon as he goes beyond the crossing, M. sees a big crowd in front of the house to the left and stops there. He guesses that a big crowd is there, perhaps because of the shrine of some deity there. A young man of 18-19 comes up and asks M. what he wants. M. replies with the question: Is there a Thakur (deity) here? The young man says, ‘Yes Sir, people of Thakur class (pandas, men of priestly class) live here.’ M. says, ‘No, no, I mean the god-thakur, the deity.’ The young man understands, smiles and says, ‘No Sir, no deity here. It is there in front.’

M. goes towards the Ganga. Pointing to the next house he says, ‘When the Holy Mother used to come, she would stay here.’ M. joins both of his hands to offer obeisance.

There is a huge crowd on the bathing point of the Ganga. People are taking a dip. M. comes down to the bathing point by northern steps. From the tenth step, he bends to touch the water. He then sits for meditation closing his eyes. For about half an hour, the attendant stands at the bank to guard M.’s shoes. Then M. comes up the steps to the bank. The attendant also touches the Ganga water and wonders what use it is to do so. I have been doing so on seeing others do it, says he to himself, I do it only because I have been asked to do so by a direct disciple of an avatara himself. There must be some physical value or some divine force in it. Otherwise why should M. do it and also ask me to do it. The attendant further reflects in his mind: a short while ago I saw M. sprinkling some pond water on his forehead before he went to the temple-courtyard. Does he consider the water of the pond and that of the Ganga the same?

M. enters the dharmashala (rest-house for pilgrims) situated to the south above the ghat (bathing point) of the river. Seeing the room to the extreme south of the ladies’ quarters, he offers his pranam. Says he to the attendant, ‘The Holy Mother also used to stay here.’ Coming out of the dharmashala M. proceeds some distance on the southern way. Seeing a young girl of sixteen he immediatly returns.

A seventy years old saint as he is, what is he afraid of; perhaps it is for the instruction of the attendant with him that he acted in this way. He always instructs the devotees by concrete examples. Young brahmacharis should not look at women - is this the silent message of M.?

M. goes towards the east infront of the dharmashala. A beggar is standing infront in the north-western corner of the dharmashala. M. asks the attendant to give him a pice.

Considering it an opportune moment, the attendant conveys a message to M.: The devotees will perhaps have a picnic in the Kali Temple at Dakshineswar. They want you there. M. replies, ‘Why, this perhaps?’ The attendant says, ‘It is infact so because of the rain at night, there is some doubt it may or may not be held.’ M. says reprovingly, ‘Then you should have told me earlier. You had better told me yesterday.’ The attendant submits humbly, ‘It is winter. Seeing that it was raining last night I did not muster courage to tell you lest you fell iII later on. Now I see that it is clearing up, I see the sun. So I can tell you confidently.’

M. comes to the temple from the ghat of the Adi- Ganga. Reaching the house to the right of the crossing where the Holy Mother used to stay, he says like a child, ‘Where is Beguni-Phuluri?’ (Beguni is a fried sandwich, like indian snack made of brinjal; Phuluri is another fried Indian snack made of minced pulses). Pointing to the shop to the right, the attendant says, ‘Here, Sir.’ ‘Bring it worth two pice,’ Says M. ‘They are cold, not hot’ says the attendant. M. replies, ‘Never mind, they are fresh of today any way. Isn’t it?’ ‘Yes Sir, of today only,’ the young shopkeeper tells. Then they buy two pice worth of Beguni and Phuluri.

Thakur used to say to the bhaktas: ‘When you go to a fair or to a place of pilgrimage you should eat Beguni- Phuluri.’ M. literally obeys the Master’s words to this day.

M. proceeds towards east. After going beyond the crossing the attendant says, ‘By this road to the left, one can catch the tram quickly.’ ‘No, no, let’s go this way through the temple. I have come to see the Mother. This way is better,’ saying so M. enters the courtyard of the temple. The attendant realises that M. will not leave without seeing the Mother. As he has not been able to see Her because of the crowd, he is going to make another attempt. A firm resolve is bound to be fulfilled.

Going up the temple, M. stands on south-western step. Now the crowd has thinned out. He says to the attendant, ‘Please stand here below. Here are the shoes. Let me go up to make a round of the temple.’ The attendant says, ‘Such a big crowd there is above giving so much push and pull, it will be very troublesome to make a circumambulation.’ ‘So let me take a round below,’ saying so, M. begins to walk alone. The temple is to his right.

Seeing that the crowd has thinned at the eastern entrance, M. pays two pice as entrance fee and enters the Temple. Standing near the railing, he folds his hands, pays his obeisance and prays to the Mother. He comes out to the street between the Natmandir and the Mother’s Temple. He stands and pays his obeisance touching with his forehead the temple wall. However, he is not happy at not being able to pay his obeisance by lying prostrate on the ground - because of the crowd it is not possible to do so inside the temple or in the verandah. That’s why M. has made that resolve outside the temple.

Standing near M.’s shoes, Antevasi witnesses all these scenes and thinks: ‘Thakur himself is Brahman. He himself is Shakti. He also is the Mother installed in the Temple and M. is a beloved child of that very Brahman-Shakti, a chosen disciple, a pandit of His holy word bearing His stamp. How can the Mother disregard the earnest desire of Her child? That’s why she has taken him inside the Temple in the milling crowd to gratify him by giving him Her darshan. We are forcibly made to see such impossible incidents, yet we do not attain firm faith. We have faith and then we lose it, it doesn’t stay permanantly with us. It is difficult to bar human nature.

Now M. says to the attendant, ‘Please go and have darshan.’ Full of fun, making sweet movements, he says to the attendant, ‘One cannot have the darshan of the Mother for nothing. You have to spend two pice and accept jostling into the bargain - without these you cannot have the darshan of the Mother.’ The attendant asks where should he stand to have darshan of the Mother - whether to stand near the railing or go inside it and stand before the Mother. ‘No, have a glimpse by standing near the railing and paying two pice. One has to pay six pice as offering when you go inside railing,’ says M. The attendant returns within ten minutes after having the darshan of the Mother and offering pranam. There is a whole heap of garlands of hibiscus flowers today around the Mother’s neck; on Her forehead She has a shining crown of gold.

M. sits down in the Natamandir and meditates in front of the Mother. After a few moments he prostrates on the ground to offer pranam, then rising, he goes towards the Mother again. Standing near the eastern arch next to the northern part of the Natamandir where devotees stand and have Mother’s darshan he again joins his hands and offers pranam.

Seeing this child-like restless behaviour of M., his companion attendant is full of wonder. He says to himself, ‘Is this the mark of prema-bhakti? People offer pranam only once in this ‘darshan-business.’ But the desire of this fulfilled old saint for darshan, it appears, is never-ending. The intimate children of the Mother do not get satisfied even after seeing her all their lives. That is why perhaps M. does not feel satisfied by seeing the Mother in the human form of the avatara.

Now M. climbs down the western steps of the Natamandir, holding on to the shoulder of the attendant.

M. is now standing in south-eastern corner of the holy temple. With him is his attendant. He intends to go out of the courtyard of the Temple after taking another half a round. So, facing north at the entrance to the street, M. proceeds along with the attendant. The attendant goes ahead of him so that M. may not be jostled in the crowd - his whole mind is concentrated on M. behind. He and M. walk slowly with utmost care through the crowd. Suddenly M. pulls the attendant and embraces him tightly placing his face on his chest for two minutes. The attendant is amazed.

When he frees himself from the embrace, the attendant sees four or five young unmarried girls near the Natamandir running breathlessly behind the rich traders, in greed for money. The young girls are running in the opposite direction of the parikrama (circumambulation) path. The way is narrow and they come running from the opposite direction! Lest the young girls should bump on to the attendant, perhaps that’s why M.’s conduct is so strange! The attendant is a young brahmachari.

Example is better than precept - this ancient rule of conduct M. has been following throughout his life unwearingly. He has inherited this very priceless wealth from his guru Bhagvan Sri Ramakrishna. That is why M. always says: what cannot be achieved by a thousand lectures is attained by a single silent action. A concrete example helps a hundred thousand times more. That is why today he has imparted instructon of excellent behaviour by a silent deep meaningful action. The mother-bird protects its offsprings with the inside of its wings.

Having taken half a round of the temple, M. goes out by the gate by which he had entered. It has been raining the whole night. All around there is slush, so the steps of the entrance are also muddy. Taking a little mud in his right hand M. makes a holy mark with it on his forehead. The attendant follows without a thought.

The mind of an ordinary person keeps on swinging in the hammock of doubts. That’s why his mind remains overwhelmed by the storm of worries in different ways. When he sees the silent conduct of an extra-mundane great man, he imitates his divine conduct because of the unknown effects of the good actions of his past lives, spellbound, overwhelmed.

The Nakuleshwara temple. M. is standing facing the west on the southern main road close to it. He says to the attendant, ‘Neither you have a pice nor have I - we have only rupees. How to have darshan of Shiva now? Without a pice they do not perhaps let you go in,’ saying so M. proceeds on the main road towards the tram’s stand to go to Calcutta. The attendant walks behind. M. walks with a slow pace thinking something. Having taken some fifty steps he says to the attendant, ‘We have not had the darshan of Shiva.’ The attendant says, ‘The pandas may have change. We can get small change from them.’ Both of them return.

Three pandas are standing at the entrance. They are fifteen, twenty and thirty years old. M. asks, ‘How much will it cost for both of us?’ ‘Four pice for two persons as the gate-fee,’ say the pandas. The attendant takes out a five rupee note. Hearing that he can not get it changed he takes out a rupee from his pocket. The panda says, ‘We don’t even have change of this.’ What to do then? ‘So let us offer our pranam from here before leaving,’ says M. Hearing this the oldest panda says to his companion, ‘Let us not charge these two men. Go in please and have darshan.’

M. turns towards south, he has darshan, touches the deity and sits down on the floor and recites the holy name, his eyes shut. After fifteen minutes he rings the bell and comes back.

Both of them proceed facing north again on the main road, M. says to the attendant, ‘We owe a debt of four pice to the Mother. Please come again another day and pay two pice and I will also come and pay. This is how She makes one act. Otherwise we will not come again. She makes us do forcibly through this clever trick.’

29, Nakuleshwaratala Road. Nirmal Chandra Chatterji’s house. M. enters the drawing room, with him is his attendant. A girl of fourteen and a boy of twelve are sitting on the floor. They are brother sister, children of Nirmal Babu. M. is tired, so he sits down on the floor and asks the girl, ‘Is the master of the house in?’ ‘Yes, Sir,’ says the girl. She rises, brings a chair requests M. to take it and herself goes inside the house. Nirmal Chatterji, master of the house, is full of joy as he welcomes M. and offers M. his pranam full of reverence. This morning at the Kali Ghat temple he had humbly requested M. to visit his house. M. has come to comply with that request. Nirmal Babu takes the guests to the Thakur shrine and gives prasad. Then he takes M. inside the house. The attendant keeps sitting in the drawing room on the floor.

The housewife offers her pranam to M. and again gives him prasad. She is a devotee of Thakur. Having exchanged a few words with her M. returns to the drawing room and takes the chair. The boy and the girl come and pay their obeisance to M. by lying prostrate on the ground. M. says, ‘Blissful Mother, Blissful Mother!’ Generally M. doesn’t let everybody touch his feet, but today he is carried away by the devotion of whole of the family. That is why he does not stop them from touching his feet. Says he to the master of the house, ‘Your daughter has quite grown up.’ He again utters, ‘Mother Blissful, Mother Blissful.’ Having prayed and blessed this way, M. rises.

It is ten to ten. M. says full of joy, ‘We are to go to Dakshineswar, it is quite far.’ Having said this, he smiles and sings the snatch of a song: ‘Move on, O wayfarer, tie up your bundle, you have to go far.’ Nirmal Babu wants to hear this line again. M. sings again and takes his leave.

Both of them proceed towards the tram stand. M. asks the attendant full of joy, ‘Let me see. Tell me, who has given us prasad.’ The attendant keeps quiet. M. himself answers it, ‘The Mother has given the prasad through their hands. How restless was the mind at not receiving the prasad? That is why the Mother sent us the prasad.’